So with the polls closing, some final observations about the European Parliament election campaign:
- The Euro elections are a bit like the English League Cup - nobody really cares that much, except for a few cranks and obsessives, and outfits full of hideous, ignorant mutants usually perform quite well in it.
When it comes to a serious competition though, the mutants finish in the outer arse-end of nowhere and the big four divide the spoils between themselves.
The Euros have long since devolved into a carnival of rank stupidity in which the same small section of the English electorate* rushes out to vote again and again for the ugliest, meanest, nastiest shower of pantomime villains that they can find, in a dipshit protest against whatever phantom horrors are biting their arses this year...
...And the candidates they elect then vanish off to Brussels to pick up fat paycheques for intentionally avoiding as much work as they can get away with. For all the wails and screeches this last couple of weeks, this isn't exactly the Black Death we're talking about here, folks.
- Despite the obvious, throbbing Farageophilia that has passed for a "national conversation" during these elections, I have to note that a lot of hard work and effort has gone into "exposing" the cretinous bigotry at the heart of the UKIP project. Plenty of hacks and internet activists have got all hot and bothered about this bovine inanity or that cringeworthy statement, and yet the Kippers' support seems to be unaffected.
This seems to astound a lot of folk, although it shouldn't. Every Euro election demonstrates that there's a small but vocal political tribe in the UK that respects belligerent stupidity; that admires viciousness, that applauds and rewards the most ridiculous, small-minded pettiness.
They're not going to change their minds about e.g. Nigel Farage** if you prove to them that he's a twat and an ignoramus - they're voting for him specifically because he's a twat and an ignoramus, out of spite, just to get it right up everyone else.
- I've enjoyed watching the dawning realisation in the right wing press that
they've created a small but unpredictable, spiteful little monster. The Telegraph in particular, watching the nasty wee beastie yowl and spit at the Conservative Party, has suddenly noticed that its own Farage-fluffery may just have catastrophically split the spite vote for the next election. So for the last few days, they've been parroting Tory claims about Nige and his buds threatening the free market.
It's too late to worry about responsible voting now, boys and girls! Most humans grasp by the age of two that, if they shit their nappies, they're going to have to sit in it for a while. It looks like certain newspaper owners are going to have to learn this lesson the hard way.
- Elsewhere, the Sun has been awesome, suddenly denouncing Farage as a horrid racist out of nowhere.
No doubt that'll go over well with the thin section of their readership that takes their politics output seriously, given that the Sun has spent much of the last fifteen years angrily shouting that e.g. making racist statements isn't racist, or that promoting racist policies isn't racist, and that being racist isn't racist.
- And all this back-tracking is happening because the aim here isn't to boost UKIP, although that's certainly a side-effect. It's all about pushing British politics generally in an ever-more
idiotic direction, then quickly sprinting back to ostensible centrism in time for the General Election.
Example - how many MPs do UKIP or the BNP usually end up with after pulling off a good result in the Euros?
None, of course. And one of the main reasons why they get zero MPs is because they don't have the zoomer press pimping their idiocies, since they all back the Tories in elections that matter.
- If UKIP aren't around at the next Euro election, the press will prop up whatever fraud it can cram into an ill-fitting real-human-being costume and film making inflammatory comments in front of a microphone, for no other reason than shoving the mainstream parties rightwards.
A new English Fuck-Everyone Party, the Ebola virus in a barber jacket, Kilroy-Silk - it doesn't matter who it actually is. The sole qualification for representing the rampant id of Middle England is a willingness to be as cuntish as humanly possible about absolutely everything, and there's never a shortage of that type of candidate around.
- Elsewhere, I've also enjoyed the ever-popular cries of "Oh no, calling UKIP stupid or racist is counterproductive and disrespectful to ordinary, decent voters".
But if we're being really honest, politicians can cheerfully call UKIP
voters whatever they like - reactionary zombies, coffin-dodging
dribblers, closet autoerotic asphyxiators - because within twenty years,
around half of them are going to be either too infirm or too dead to
vote, and few of us who are still going to the polls in 2034 will care one way
or the other whether or not the gays can get married.
If this all strikes you as contemptuous and dismissive, well, it's meant to be. But you'll notice that we only ever hear this Please Do Not Offend The Cretins stuff about the far-right parties, and those folk don't strike me as particularly deserving of some extraordinarily sensitive and tender treatment that the rest of us never get.
Nobody gives a damn about offending people who vote for parties that aren't filled with furious xenophobes, and I see no reason why this section of the electorate should be treated differently to everybody else.
Because in the end, that's what's been at the heart of all of this nonsense - the really histrionic, weepy section of the UK electorate demanding respect and affection in a great red-faced strop, stamping their little feet, shouting nursery cursewords and flinging their toys across the room.
Now, you might think differently, but I'd suggest that picking the delicate little flowers up, tickling their wee chins and singing them to sleep with a sweet, sweet lullaby probably isn't the best way to respond to this kind of tantrum.
*Okay, and maybe the Welsh as well.
**Or, previously, Nick Griffin.