Saturday, November 27, 2010

Stupid Songs Contest #3

The rules - the World's Stupidest Song isn't necessarily the world's worst song.  To qualify, the track needs to be a) irredeemably artless; b) thoroughly cretinous and the artist in question must be c) utterly oblivious.

Which brings us to What I Am by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians, quite possibly the most vapid song ever to garner popular acclaim.

Stupid comes in many varieties.  Whereas previous candidates were openly moronic, What I Am attempts to slide its vacuity under a veil of fake profundity, hoping that by acting thick, the song's essential stupidity will take on some deeper meaning.  It doesn't work.

I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know if you know what I mean
Do ya?

I'm guilty of pulling this gambit on occasion - Hey, I'm a mechanic's son, descended from a long line of working class heroes.  I can't be expected to understand all this complicated stuff!  It's bullshit when I do it, and it's bullshit in the Billboard Chart. 

Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box
Religion is the smile on a dog

I could critique this like an anal retentive, but really, why not just call the song Durrrr, what? 

That's before we get to the chorus with it's hugely annoying and glib lyric What I am is what I am/Are you what you are, or what?  Simple, yet deep and ties in so well to the circular guitar riff! 

Seriously, if you're one of those people who thought Nirvana were terrible because they were angsty and meaningless, I dare you to listen to this song three times.  If you're not punching yourself in the face three seconds into your third attempt, you have no soul.

And a word of advice - in the unlikely event that you ever have spoken-word suckmeister Henry Rollins round for tea, don't put this on.  It'll be like that bit in The Incredible Hulk with the violence.

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