Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Ferguson Defence

"He's a great fuckin' player! Youse are aw fuckin' idiots... Press conference over!" - Sir Alex Ferguson defending Juan Sebastian Veron's reputation from journalistic doubters, apocryphal

I know I promised not to revisit this, but such has been the bathetic level of propaganda Fail from the usual suspects over the great Gaza aid flotilla debacle that Sir Alex looks, in retrospect, like a steamroller of remorseless logic garlanded with a thousand flowery skooshes of primrose-poetic perfume.

Not that I'm saying the Israelis' propaganda campaign has been ham-fisted - far from it. In fact, whoever orchestrated their exculpatory horseshit machine should be the toast of Tel Aviv, turning what should have been a story of naked aggression against a friendly nation into a constant rolling-news stabathon of Turkish psychosis. Whatever your opinion on the matter, you have to applaud a PR campaign that turned a calculated act of war on an ally into a fuzzy form of self-defence.

No, the really hilarious bullshit has come, as it always does, from the internet. My personal favourite was the Little Green Footballs-sourced hilarity of ReutersGate Mk. XXMVII. Summary - the news agency published a photo of a bashed-up Israeli commando bleeding all over the deck of the Mavi Marmara... But cropped out a knife one of the passengers was holding! Lord, have mercy!

Naturally, this translated into an epic wingnutty circlejerk as the west's anti-Jihadist defenders - read, "panty-hoarding sexual shut-ins go full retard during porno breaks" - mounted each other in increasingly furious attempts to pretend that, far from blanketing the news channels 24/7 with Israeli government-issue propaganda video clips, the dreaded MSM were in fact slyly keeping the truth from their audience for terroristical reasons.

If that wasn't bad enough, think of the gnashing of teeth over the treachery of Turkey. Wall Street Journal opinionator Robert Pollock knew who was to blame for Israel's attack on allied shipping - the Turks. To Melanie Phillips, the flotilla attack represented an "Islamist terror ambush" on a few choppers-full of hardened shock troopers who were lucky to escape with their lives after shooting a lot of civilians in the back of the head.

This paled into insignificance compared to the wannabe-Chalabi propaganda forum DEBKA reporting that, not only was Osama Bin Laden himself hiding in Iran, but that the Turkish government knew all about it all along, the bastards.

But as always, it wasn't the pile of non-Israeli corpses that horrified the internet's true humanitarians - it was the racism of "liberals" and the OMG Here-Comes-The-Genocide.

Maximum comedy ensued from Nasty Nick Cohen, who couldn't find space in his column to mention the flotilla raid, even though that was the reason he was asked to write the fucking thing in the first place.

Inveighing instead against the usual allegorical, anonymous liberals, Cohen enthusiastically plunged his head into a trough of chicken entrails, telepathically divining racist hatred by the bucketload, before hilariously invoking Godwin's Law to support an argument based on superfly elision of his foes with the Nazis. More worryingly, Nick also indicated that he's about to blast off into the upper atmosphere on a Eurabia-fuelled rocket with the following silly bollocks...

Instead of confronting or even arguing with the anti-liberal forces that are terrorising much of the Middle East and Asia, they appease them and offer them Israel as a placatory gesture, when Israel is not theirs to give away.

Uh, right Nick. That's totally the plan.

Not that Nick's Naziometer was waggling alone. True to form, it took Here's the bullshit - away you go, fruitcakes forum Harry's Place little time to deploy their standard response to western ultraviolence, quickly tracking down some nutter with a swastika sign, prompting semi-hysterical paroxysms over Turkey's incipient fascism.

Norm-affiliated academic Eve Gerrard took the superficially insane option of listing the crimes of Sri Lanka, Sudan, Iran and various other international villains who she feels are insufficiently demonised as evidence that pissed-off lefties were... Uh, were...

Well, she leaves it to your imagination, but you can guess. Of course, we can quibble that when Sudan decides to rub out a load of civilians, you don't often see thousands of highly-educated bullshitters leaping on their chairs to denounce critics as black-hearted racists in the quality press. Nor does the world's only superpower step in to smooth everything over for Sudan, but we'll let that slide.

The real fun was still to come, though. Were all these angry critics merely criticising a cracked and insane military operation, or was there a darker motive?

Melanie Phillips knew - it was simply a pre-pogrom atmosphere, if not a global pogrom in the making. At the HP boobyhatch, second eleven blogger Alan A. saw "further genocide of the Jews in the 21st century".

In context of course, nothing in the real world has actually changed. A lot of politicians have issued pro-forma complaints; the Turks have made a lot of noise but have noticeably done bugger all; the Americans have made it clear they're backing the Israelis to the hilt.

So intimidated are the Israeli government that they've felt quite comfortable telling the entire planet to fuck right off, while the people of Tel Aviv are so terrified they've been marching through the streets in nationalist rallies. This is before we point out that the Israelis feel so overawed by the astonishing might of their enemies that they've actually bombed the shit out of at least three of them in the last five years.

Still, the award for Golden Wingnut of the Week unquestionably goes to Mad Mel for this gem - The Derangement of the World. Because it's not you that's crazy Melanie... It's practically the entire human race who have lost their marbles. Cheers!

(Okay, last time I mention the flotilla clusterfuck. Did I mention that I have a policy of not commenting on Israel/Palestine?).

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