Thursday, December 10, 2009


Question Of The Day: Why was President Barack Obama given the Nobel Peace Prize?

Answer: Because there's no such thing as the Nobel Prize For American Presidents Not Acting Like An Utter Prick About Absolutely Everything.

Nor is there a We'll Turn a Blind Eye To All The Predator Drone Attacks On Lots Of Countries You're Not Even At War With, Provided You Don't Threaten Other Nations With Nuclear Annihilation award, although it's worth noting that while Obama might win one, neither John McCain nor Hillary Clinton would have had they won the Presidency. So it's bombs away in the name of peace, and everyone's happy, except the people they're landing on.

On the other hand, I see that Barry O. is now referring to himself as "Commander-in-Chief of the nation". My American history gets rustier by the year and I'm aware that this is just a continuation of George W.'s bombastic rhetoric, but isn't this rather like the President proclaiming himself Caesar?

There's a lot of stuff in their constitution neatly demarcating "president" from "Imperator," if I recall correctly. Some of the habits of the last administration just turned out to be too tempting to pass up, I guess.

Anyway, my optimistic assessment of the Obama presidency, made the day after the election, still holds good - so far he's been much less of an arsehole than Clinton, either Bush or Reagan. Quite an achievement when you're occupying two countries and your remote controlled flying death machines are running amok over at least another two. Time will tell, though.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

And The Assholes Shall Inherit The Earth

The overwhelming majority of street crime, knife crime, gun crime, robbery and crimes of sexual violence in London is carried out by young men from the African-Caribbean community. Of course, in return, we have rap music, goat curry and a far more vibrant and diverse understanding of cultures which were once alien to us. For which, many thanks.

That from boggle-eyed Spectator bore Rod Liddle, who is one of many who seems to believe that both lies and bigoted boo-hoo are now legitimate weapons in the great battle against the awful liberal elitists.

It looks like the bugle has been blown, and every cheap, nasty bullshitter in the land has acknowledged its message... With the Tories almost certain to triumph at the next election, anyone who's spent the last decade masquerading as a basically decent human being should now rip off their masks and show the world their hideous deformities.

Hence we get the hilarious spectacle of climate change skeptics raving about secret global Commie conspiracies, throwing around accusations of Stalinism and Hitlerian evil while clutching their little pearls about the connotations of the word "denier"; we get the world's Liddles railing against those awful blacks, and a whole load of bluntly racist shite hurled at Britain's Muslim population under the comically transparent disguise of "opposing extremism".... With the inevitable result of open celebration when the Swiss decide they need to curtail the rights of their religious minorities.

All of which is smuggled under the usual silly bollocks about leftist treachery, but is essentially the same populist lunacy that has led the Teabaggers and Sarah Palin in the US into a cul de sac of self-reinforcing, unelectable wingnuttery. With no moderating force to reign in their most paranoid and belligerent pronouncements, the Teabaggers have been swiftly demoted from the status of "hard-working ordinary people/mad as hell/not going to take it any more" to "Gibbering cretins/comedy losers/get the hell away from us, dipshits".

Stuff like Liddle's post could only come out of a net-based operation like the Spectator, which has seen its traffic soar even as its political trajectory has taken it zooming out of the Earth's atmosphere, bound for planet Radioactive Political Embarrassment at light speed. In an era of declining magazine sales, it'd take a brave and strong editor to ignore his readers' demand for the red, red meat of raw right wing insanity. Thus do we get conspiracism, paranoia and outright race-baiting.

To which I can only say, well, good. Despite three decades of tabloid hysteria, most people are basically reasonable and decent individuals, and I am eager to see Britain's right wingers disappear right up their own rectums in pursuit of ever-greater nuttiness. Veiled nastiness is devilishly difficult to combat, but open idiocy and naked meanness defeat themselves. The Labour Party have proved that one single-handedly.

Who knows? Maybe a majority of the electorate would read stuff like that Liddle column and think Finally, somebody said what we're all thinking. Me, I reckon most of them would read it and think, Jesus, what a cunt.

I like the battlefield that the right wing fringe is preparing. They're conceding the high ground of legitimate grievance against New Labour's horrible incompetence and vindictiveness; positioning their guns where they'll inflict maximum damage upon their own infantry. I forget who it was who said that you should never interrupt an enemy when he's making a terrible mistake, but it sounds like good advice. I'm just going to put my feet up, crack open a cold one and watch these jokers cut their own legs off at the knees.

Well, okay, I might poke them with a stick occasionally. Just for fun.

Friday, December 04, 2009

In The Interests Of Scientific Inquiry

Regarding this whole climate science emails thing, I can only see one of two explanations for what's going on here.

1) That practically the entire planet's scientific, political, media and business classes have colluded in the greatest hoax ever perpetrated upon mankind, in the teeth of fierce opposition from some of the world's most powerful business interests, in pursuit of a secret, socialist scheme to do, er, something totalitarian or

2) Lots of angry wingnuts are barking like a pack of pissed-off chihuahuas about bugger all, because they are angry wingnuts, and that's what angry wingnuts do.

Now, on the face of it, I can see how many people might plump for 1). After all, when one considers the logistics of a global scam featuring hundreds of thousands of eager participants each adhering to a strict greenie omerta, while forcing through hairshirted measures that cut into the profit margins and personal habits of political backers, industry and electorate alike... Well, you just have to say My God, it's all so obviously a conspiracy of unprecedented propotions!

But readers, I implore you to consider option 2). No, I hear you say. Surely it's impossible that a bunch of angry wingnuts with proven records of barking like pissed-off chihuahuas about bugger all could be doing so all over again, driven by their angry wingnuttery? By God man, have you lost your mind?

I know how unlikely it sounds but please, just give it a go, in the interests of scientific inquiry.

(For a more logical but less direct version of this argument, see John Band).

That's Why They Call It Science Fiction

Been watching a few episodes of Battlestar Galactica, and frankly it all seems ridiculously far-fetched and unrealistic.

I mean, okay, Starbuck is a sexy female pilot who dogfights her way around the galaxy doing all kinds of daredevil, hotshot Top Gun stuff, but not once has she reversed her starfighter into an intergalactic lamp-post while trying to parallel park it.

It stretches credulity to breaking point, if you ask me.