Local Libertarian Delighted By Wayward Son's Career Choices
Libertarian News, 5th April 2009
Morningside Libertarian Piers Everhard was "ecstatic and totally pumped" yesterday after discovering that his seventeen-year-old son William has committed himself to a career in crackhead prostitution.
"All my life, I told my boy Will that he had to make his own choices, " the 47 year old IT consultant Everhard told Libertarian News. "And there he his, smoking up crack cocaine and dick in equal measure..."
"It brings a tear to my eye... After he took that job as a hospital porter at the Royal Infirmary, I thought he might be a leech on the public tit for the rest of his days... Now that he's started smoking crack and taken up full-time ass-bitchery, I'm delighted to see he's finally embracing the private sector and stopped mooching from the taxpayer."
Free market advocate Everhard has supported legalisation of drugs and prostitution for many years, and yesterday described himself as "tickled pink" after his son revealed that he has decided to make productive use of his saleable arse.
"Will is selling a product that people will pay for... Namely his pert, hungry young backside." Everhard said. "Some might say that he's only doing it because he's enslaved by drugs and lacks the savvy to steal from shops like the other addicts, but surely all of us are slaves to big government."
"Philosophically, there is no difference between the status of the British taxpayer and my son's nightly crack-happy ass-poundings by countless anonymous strangers."
"When I think of my drug-addled son on his knees, selling his cock-hungry mouth to wealthy, throbbing Johns, I take a small measure of pride in his minor engorgement of the black economy... It's not like he pays taxes on every bumfest he partakes in."
Will Everhard's arse is on sale now at all good street corners.