Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What's Eating Christopher Hitchens?

Okay, so back when the Republicans were attempting to tar Obama as an out-of-touch , wealthy elitist, Hitchens had nothing to say. Then the issue blew up in their faces like an exploding shit-in-the-box as McCain forgot how many houses he owned, and our Chris leapt into action...

"Why oh why can't we focus on real issues? Anyway, McCain was having a bit of a giggle, so why must these Democrats come out with this demagogic, partisan, idiocy?"

And when the Republican Veep nominee turned out to be a vacuous know-nothing with only snarky comments and twee bullshit to recommend her?

"Why oh why must all these dreadful lefties attack Mrs. Palin, and doesn't this just show how both sides are awful, especially that silly Mr. Obama?"

And this week, when the entire capitalist system has juddered to a halt and threatens to pitch us all into penury, what did everyone's favourite tubby, neo-conservative Yoda have to say on the matter?

"Why oh why is Barack Obama such a gutless, whining pussy?"

Is anyone else noticing a theme here? It's almost as if Hitchens is taking every possible opportunity to piss on the left candidate and is focusing on his foibles to the exclusion of all else.

Either that or he fancies that John McCain, and wants to do it with him and everything.

What the hell's up with the guy? I know Paul Wolfowitz made Hitchens his bitch back in 2002, but Jesus, get over it already. If he hasn't called back after five years, he's just not that into you, Chris.

It makes me wonder what Hitchens is going to come out with next. If an incoming McCain/Obama administration decides to nominate Trig Palin as Secretary for Defence, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if Hitchens responded by immediately driving round to Joe Biden's house and thrusting his dick into his ear.

God, General Petraeus better keep his head down now that he's back stateside, too, or he's going to wind up having to explain to everyone he meets why there's a boozy English hack furiously humping his leg.

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