Tuesday, September 16, 2008

International Politics Round-Up

Pushed for time today, so a brief runthrough will have to do...

Starting at home, I see that Scottish Labour have opted for Iain Grey MSP to lead their party. This is a bold choice, as most parties tend to look for vague traces of wit and charisma in their leaders, but it may yet pay off... Mr. Grey may come across as a gold medal contender for Scotland's Monotony Olympics team, but with that salt and pepper hair and those smouldering good looks he should knock the FM dead for raw sex appeal.

Let's hope he remembers to keep his mouth shut and concentrates on flexing those huge pectorals when he takes his shirt off in the debating chamber.

Down at Westminster, Wee Gordon Broon is facing open revolt but has opted to come out fighting. As the Torygraph reports, he's Seeking Barack Obama Aides to Help Beat David Cameron.

A bold step, and one that impresses me, being a fan of aggressive politics. I suggest he lets Obama's aides grab Cameron from behind and give him a few sharp punches in his ribs before Broon steams into the long streak of piss with a stiff kick in the balls. I'm looking forward to the front pages of the tabloids already.

Meanwhile, across the pond, Senator John McCain has been cutting into Senator Obama's lead. This not only guarantees an exciting climax to the election season, but may also mean that a world superpower could soon be led by an undead premier for the first time since the days when Yuri Andropov crept through the corridors of the Kremlin.

Naturally, the outcome is going to pivot on his ability to avoid characteristic McCain gaffes such as self-contradiction, short-temperedness or being caught on camera feasting on the blood of screaming virgins.

Much, of course, depends on his VP choice Sarah Palin. As expected, the press has focused on non-issues such as the revelation that her daughter had sex with that moose in Bristol, or that Mrs. Palin loves nothing more than shooting wild liberals from a small aeroplane.

If the Republican campaign can keep the press focused on Sarah Palin's positives, i.e. her canine ignorance of national and international politics, her cretinous religious beliefs and her nakedly obvious unfitness for office, then John McCain can surely look forward to sitting down in a flame-wreathed crypt beneath the Oval Office in a mere matter of months.

That's all for today, check back for updates.

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