Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Doesn't It Make Your Heart Swell?

Regular readers will be sick of me touting my blue collar bona fides by talking about the years I spent working in shitty bars and restaurants, and can skip this bit.

Pardon me for repeating myself, but Britain is largely full of decent people who try to be polite and pleasant, even when provoked. Sadly, it's also blighted by a sizeable minority of spectacular curmudgeons who tend to throng together in great gaggles of pricklish indignation and spite.

In that spirit, I'll offer a hearty Good work, mate to the waiter who presented torn-faced diners with the following bill...

I realise it's possible that the diners themselves were the very soul of decorum, but I'm inclined to take their story with a pinch of salt, and I urge you to trust me on this. In my experience, when reasonable people in busy restaurants have to wait to be fed, they're usually happy to accept an honest apology and some free coffees.

Fuck-Faces, on the other hand, possess watches that count three times as fast as standard clocks, and take great delight in shouting at length about it. In a perfect world they would all be told to Suck our Dicks on a regular basis.

So I salute you, sir. You are an example to all of us too timid to risk our livelihoods for a moment's fleeting satisfaction. Mind you, I would've charged her a quid for the privilege, just to rub it in...

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