Friday, July 13, 2007

Discount For Undercover Coppers...

"Florida Rep. Robert "Bob" Allen, R-Merritt Island, was arrested this afternoon at Veteran's Memorial Park on East Broad Street for alleged solicitation for prostitution...

...Officers noticed Allen acting suspicious as he went in and out of the men’s restroom three times. Minutes later, he solicited an undercover male officer inside the restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20."

And how many times have we seen this inspiring riches-to-rags-to-riches story?

Boy meets undercover policeman, boy offers to suck off undercover policeman, boy meets judge, boy returns to international pop stardom with a jokey music video set in a glam public toilet.

It does make me wonder what it is about political groups of pious blowhards that compels them to smoke crystal meth with rent boys, engage in sexy webchat with teenagers, indulge in freaky sex with hookers etc.

I'm the kind of libertine, devil-may-care type that would rile up the average Republican closet-case, but even I could probably take public office without immediately launching into a coke-fuelled rampage of torrid, al-fresco sex.

Maybe we should just offer politicians the chance to get it out of their systems. Say, as soon as they're elected, send them to Las Vegas with a fistful of cash and a leather thong. For one week, let them grind out their seedy desire on whatever animal, vegetable or mineral takes their fancy while shoving terrifying pharmaceutical concoctions up their backsides, or whatever.

It would surely be more dignified than this tediously common cycle of piety, perverted lust and penitence that characterises conservative political life.

Either that, or they could just lay off the condemnation, and no-one would care when they got caught nuts-deep in an inflatable sheep.

But then, where are the votes in that?

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