Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Ballad Of Chicken Licken

One day Chicken Licken sat in the barn snoozing,

When along came a rabble of chicks, all a-boozing.

They cursed and they shouted and woke up the barn,

Drank cider and Buckfast and raised much alarm.

"What's this?" cried Chick Licken, "While all of us slept,

They've panned in the windows and shat on the step!"

"I won't stand for this - by my beak or my wing,

I'll get on the phone and complain to the King!"

And so after waiting for a couple of hours,

He demanded the King use his punitive powers.

"We're scared to go out and we must have a saviour!

"I will," the King said, "And not before time-

I'll show the Kingdom who's toughest on crime!"

So the scribes set to work on some tough legislation,

Soon, order was brought to an unruly nation.

And then Chicken Licken, content as could be,

Slept the sleep of the just and content and carefree.

But the very next day came a knock at the door -

There stood PC Lurkey with a chicklet or four.

"They've been out," Lurkey said, in a gobbling way,

"Annoying the neighbours with their laughing and play."

"But these are MY chicklets!" cried Licken, aghast,

"They've only been playing and having a laugh!"

"Too fucking bad, mate," said Officer Lurkey,

"Someone complained, that's enough for this turkey!"

And so Chicken Licken once more called the King,

Complaining of PC gone mad and other such things.

But the king wasn't listening to Chick Licken's stories,

Saying "If I'm soft on crime then I'll lose to the Tories."

"You begged for an end to this criminal farce,

And you whinge when it's your chicks getting kicked up the arse?"

"Well, too bad, little Chicken - we may over-react,

But we've got all these cool powers and we won't give them back."

So Chick Lick learnt a lesson, much as he might regret it -

Beware what you ask for, because you might get it.

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