Monday, June 25, 2007

A Look Ahead At This Week's News

Caesar Steps Aside
Premier relinquishes power "For Good of Party"
June 28th MMVII

There were emotional scenes in Parliament today as Caesar resigned from his post as Dictator For Life in a move intended to seal his legacy and further the interests of the Labour Party.

Caesar, clearly overcome with emotion, was unable to speak as his colleagues showed their immense gratitude for his leadership by surrounding him on the floor of the House. The announcement was made by Caesar's close friend and ally Broontus as Caesar disappeared from view amid an adoring throng of his supporters.

"All hail mighty Caesar, who in his wisdom has made the supreme sacrifice for the Party," cried Broontus, as Caesar was firmly and repeatedly congratulated by Cruddus and Harmanus. "His selflessness is an example to us all."

"Awk!" exclaimed an overwhelmed Caesar, as he received grateful claps upon the back, chest and neck from supporters. "Ag!"

"Don't let him get away!" shouted one colleague, struggling through the throng for his opportunity to pay his respects.

Caesar has ruled supreme since MCMXCVII and, following his decision to relinquish power, is expected to retire from domestic politics. It has been suggested that he may take up a position as tribune for the Levant, but such reports remain unconfirmed.

Broontus paid further tribute to the departing Dictator, then rushed across the floor of the House to join the crowd mobbing Caesar, prompting a cryptic statment from the former Dictator.

"U2, Broonte?" asked Caesar, in what has been interpreted as a reference to his friendship with popular musician Bonus.

Parliament will reconvene next Monday, beginning with a lengthy elegy marking Caesar's leadership, honesty and integrity.

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