Queens Of The Stone Age Abdicate
Nation Stricken With Grief
Reuters - 15th June 2007
The nation is in shock this evening following the unexpected abdication of the Queens of The Stone Age.
"It is with great sadness that I must announce that the Queens of The Stone Age have decided to step down," announced a Royal aide, reading from a prepared statement.
"I speak for the band when I say they've had a wild ride, but they believe that this is in the best interests of their subjects."
"To be honest, they've been rocking for a long time," he added in a personal aside.
Queens of The Stone Age have ruled triumphantly since the release of their album Rated R in 2000, easily fending off weak challenges from the Kings of Leon and Kaiser Chiefs. From the outset, their reign has been notable for brutal riffs, vocal harmony and screaming feedback.
In unprecedented scenes, loyal subjects flocked to city centres all over the world to mourn the sudden announcement. Large numbers of people wept openly, almost unanimously describing the decision as "Totally weak-ass."
"I haven't been so upset since I heard about the Dead Kennedys," said one crowd member. "I mean, who's going to take the throne now? Bonnie Prince Billy?"
"Give me a fucking break."