Today's Guardian looks at an absolutely crucial issue - who will British Jews support in the upcoming England v Israel football match?
Essentially, they're revisiting Tory dinosaur Norman Tebbit's immigrant-baiting "Cricket Test" - as might be expected, the ever-liberal Grauniad concludes that it's fine to support another nation's football team.
But it'll be a different story when I'm cheering on the Israelis on Saturday - I'll be condemned as an anti-English bigot, and if I tried it south of the border I'd be lucky to escape with my life.
It's yet another example of discrimination against mouthy Scottish wankers, and I, for one, won't stand for it.
But it's not the only example of modern double standards, as a contributor to this month's Viz notes...
"I was appalled to see a report on Newsnight about the King Fahad School teaching its pupils that all non-Muslims would burn in the fires of Hell after their deaths. What a terrible thing to present as fact to impressionable minds.
And anyway, I was always taught at my CofE school that it was non-Christians who would burn for all eternity in the Lake of Fire."
I quite agree - I believe that the infidels should be alerted to the hideous tortures that await them, should they spurn the infinite love of the Lord.
Speaking as a devout Trustafarian, I also believe that I shall inherit the Earth.