Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Thing Of Beauty And An Expense Forever

Five years ago, I would've disagreed vehemently with the proposition that "Women prefer clothes to sex."

"Women on average say they would be willing to give up sex for 15 months for a closet full of new apparel, with 2 percent ready to abstain from sex for three years in exchange for new duds, according to a new survey of about 1,000 women in 10 U.S. cities."

"Sixty-one percent of women polled said it would be worse to lose their favorite article of clothing than give up sex for a month."

It's an older and wiser Rodent that considers this question today, when merely convincing a woman to remove her clothes has become a Sisyphean ordeal.

Who knows? Maybe it's the gas mask, I've noticed some of the girls are a little intimidated.

These days, even a trip to the shops with Mrs. Rodent usually entails a lengthy debate upon the difference between the words "Want" and "Need" when applied to footwear. My usual reward is a harsh lesson in the failings of my debating skills*.

Still, it's worth noting the curious differences in human sexuality - God knows how many times I've pretended to take an interest in fashion to impress a woman. Having testicles really is like being chained to the village idiot, as Harry Hutton would say.

Unlike hermaphroditism, which is an end in itself.

*P.S. - Bear in mind that two years ago, Mrs. Rodent and I visited an exhibition of artifacts from the homes of the Romanov dynasty, the last Imperial family of Russia.

"Was Lenin a bad man?", Mrs. Rodent asked, as we entered the section on the revolution.

"Well, some people disagree," I said, "but I think he was."

Mrs. Rodent thought this over, then asked "So, was Stalin a bad man?"

"Er, Yes," I said, "Stalin was a very bad man, about as bad as it's possible to be."

"Oh," she said, and was quiet for a moment. "So why do all those people wear that picture of him on their T-shirts?"

I don't make these stories up, incidentally. That's verbatim.

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