This is surely the news embattled socialists have been waiting for - a committed leftist with the powers required to create a paradise of equality for all.
The article is reticent about the powers that my hermano Chavez has granted himself, but my money is on X-ray vision.
Not only would he be able to spot any Yankee imperialists plotting counter-revolution, he'd also be able to see the naked ladies in the changing rooms at the swimming pool.
Surely he's gone for invisibility, which would allow him to walk the streets of Caracas, hearing the concerns of the workers, and would also allow him to hide in ladies' bedrooms in case they happened to be naked.
And I'll eat my hat if he hasn't decided to harness the power of flight, which would allow him to soar across Venezuela as a symbol of socialist victory, and also to float outside windows at night, peeking at naked ladies.
Perhaps you have suggestions for amazing powers Chavez could grant himself - just think what a socialist crusader could accomplish with super strength, shape-shifting or telepathy.
The possibilities for improving the lot of the working class and looking at naked ladies are practically endless.