Despite my complete disbelief in the basic truth of the Bible itself, I'm more than happy to join in the revelry with my Christian countrymen and toast their health.
Some people find Christmas to be a difficult time, confined in close quarters with fractious aunties and sarcastic siblings, but I have no such difficulties. I find that, even in such trying times, I can put aside such family feuds and petty discord, and focus on what Christmas really means to secularists: Drink.
Drink! Sweet nectar of the nagged, Ambrosia of the agitated! O hallowed haven of the hen-pecked!
Your mother's snide put-downs will mean little if you cannot understand them, and the squabbles of the family unit are far easier dealt with when unconscious.
So, I say, let us raise a glass to Christmas, the one time of the year when drunkenness and disorder are not only acceptable, but compulsory!
The Bevvy, in all its glory
And to all regular readers and commenters, a Merry Christmas all round. I'll meet you back here for ten minutes' peace and quiet on Boxing Day.
Mine's a treble!