Saturday, September 09, 2006

Blair v Brown - The Battle That's Gripped The Nation

Chancellor Gordon Brown finally made his play for Tony Blair's job this week, provoking much hand-wringing amongst commentators about who would make the better Prime Minister.

To me, it's a pretty open and shut case. Just look at the picture below...

As was pointed out in this month's Viz, Tony Blair is at least half an inch taller than Governor Schwarzenegger*, making him the finest Prime Minister we've ever had. What other nation can boast a premier taller than the Terminator?

Churchill seems puny by comparison.

And here we see Blair towering over leader of the free world, plus some shifty-looking foreign geezer who's probably there to serve the coffees.

And what of Gordon Brown, Chancellor of the Exchequer?

A clear inch, at least, shorter than the collossus Blair.

Only those who pray for the imminent victory of the Islamofascists could support the diminishing of Britain's stature in the world by allowing such a shortarse to occupy Number Ten. Blair's tremendous height is a testament to the superiority of the British social contract.

Plus, Brown is a Scotsman, and as the whole world knows, all Scotsmen are sexual tyrannosaurs. I believe such rampant masculinity would not play well to middle England, and could cost Labour the next election.

*Those words still give me a laugh every time.

Incidentally - this is my hundredth post, and I believe it is traditional to mark the occasion and offer reflections upon what I have learned in the past couple of months.

The chief lesson I have learned is that, if I want people to give me free money, it would be more efficient to take up mugging than blogging.

The other lesson I've learned is that, if blogging is a desperate plea for attention, I would be more succesful if I stripped naked, painted myself pink and ran through the streets shrieking "Stop me before I kill again".

The final lesson being that, if you want lots of visitors to your page, the quickest way to do it is to give it an obscene name and cover it with pictures of naked women.

The fact that I used the phrase "naked women" in the last sentence will probably double the traffic to my site for the coming week.

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