If you'd asked me at the start of the week how the pig-fucking revelations would affect the Prime Minister's personal approval ratings, I'd have said Not a jot.
Now that the results are in unchanged, I'm actually surprised that he hasn't seen a bit of an improvement.
To the various analysts, this non-reaction seems to confirm that the public aren't interested in "gossip and tittle-tattle". I mean, necrophilia and bestiality aren't quite like rumours of secret drinking or secretary-fondling, but that appears to be the consensus.
And let's not mess about - I imagine that most of the Tory voters of Britain actually believe, like I do, that Dave really did fuck that pig. What are we supposed to think, when Dave's own friends go on TV to downplay accusations of corpse molestation, rather than to deny them?
The strenuous effort this week to rehabilitate farmyard frolics as a bit of adolescent fun, that tells me that the PM's own supporters believe that it's perfectly possible that he did it, and if not the pig-sex specifically, then something similar.
Anyway, my take on Dave's unaffected approval ratings is a bit different. I think Dave's supporters voted for him at least suspecting that he was the type of guy who would gladly fuck a pig's severed head for personal gain. The only thing that's changed this week is that now, they know it for sure.
I'd say the interesting thing here is that Dave has not only survived both the pig-diddling and the cronyism, in a way that few other politicians could, but that he's almost entirely untouched by them.
Never mind the cozy cash-grubbing. Can you see e.g. Gordon Brown or Nick Clegg getting away with having beasted a dead animal in exchange for access to influential circles? Would John Major or William Hague have laughed it off, if they'd bummed a badger or fingered a flamingo?
Not a chance. Any one of those guys would've been summarily executed, politically speaking. Yet it's not so for all British politicians, because for quite a few, the expected standards are somewhat lower.
Now, I'm not saying that Boris, for example, would have to strangle two prostitutes before he'd get into serious trouble... But I am saying that I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was able to shrug off one. So long as he could convincingly claim that he'd killed her in a bumbling, accidental manner, of course.
But an Ed Miliband or a Charlie Kennedy? They'd have been flayed and crucified if they'd appeared on television while a bit tipsy and cheerful, or had eaten a bacon sandwich in a socially-disapproved fashion.
I think we need to be quite clear about where this disparity springs from. It's due to the fact that David Cameron is officer class*, and we Britons are nothing if not understanding towards posh berks.
If you or I snorted a load of cocaine and staggered pissed about the streets calling pedestrians oiks and scumbags, pissing on tramps, everyone in earshot would break their wrists dialling 999. The same rules do not apply to the Bullingdon boys.
Partly, this is down to the fact that most of the major professions are led by members of the same royal class, and it's certainly never hurt either Dave or Boris, that their mates own most of the papers.
Mainly though, it's because we're spiteful people, and our spite is easily tweaked.
I've been coming out with variations on this theme for a
long time, but this week has given us the perfect illustration.
Collectively, we prefer to be ruled by a vicious pigfucker who hates the
poor, than to countenance being lectured about being a bit nicer to
We didn't wind up with a government of super-wealthy arseholes hammering the needy and a TV schedule full of poverty-baiting, without being at least fairly spiteful. I'd say that it doesn't reflect well on us as a nation, that we cut people more slack, the wealthier and more privileged they are.
I don't know how far this is a humanity-wide thing, rather than a specifically British one. I suspect that the presidents of France or America could probably bum a goat live on national television without suffering a serious electoral setback, so long as they did it while saluting the flag, singing the national anthem and promising to crack down on immigrants.
Sadly, it's not the Americans or the French that have a pig-podgering, flag-saluting Prime Minister - it's us. And looking at the way things have been going this last few years, you'd have to say that we probably deserve it.
*"Officer class" in a way that, ironically, Paddy Ashdown or Iain Duncan Smith are not officer class.