Thursday, October 16, 2014

It's Fun To Be In The Mujahideen

You never know how things are going to turn out but for now, let's just enjoy the reasonable likelihood that the War Nerd is right, and ISIS just aren't much cop at war.

After all, Kobane is not Stalingrad.  It's a town defended by a lightly-armed, poorly trained militia - a very brave one, but a militia nonetheless...  And the entire planet has just watched supposedly the most terrifying army of psycho-Jihadists around take a vicious beating off a bunch of smiling, thumb-upping girls.  A resounding defeat, from some smiling girls in blokey uniforms and immodestly bare heads, no less!*  Live, on worldwide TV!

The current state of the Battle of Kobane should tell us that far from being a bunch of battle-hardened badasses, at least a sizeable chunk of ISIS is actually not much more than a bunch of boastful, whooping evil idiots - very good at murdering unarmed civilians, and good at walking into towns vacated by people who don't want to fight them, but not very good at all at fighting people who actually shoot back.

And yet, I'm starting to hear mumbles about how really, all this shows that the joint airstrikes are working, and are proof of President Obama's bulging, manly testicles.

This is precisely the wrong message to be sending, so jaw-droppingly self-defeating and insane that it can only be coming from the very people making it.   

ISIS is scared of girls is an incredibly useful propaganda coup.  ISIS got robbed by the infidel's cowardly space-weapons is not useful, at all.  

I've spent an embarrassing amount of time banging the drum for some basic points about the type of person who's attracted to joining up with jihadi armies and so on over the years.  That is, that they're overwhelmingly gullible, credulous, small-minded, deeply prejudiced, wildly irrational, intolerant, no-dick weirdoes.  A sad and hateful bunch of twats and geeks, good for little but woofing nonsense about how tough they are on YouTube, and stopping bullets with their sternums.

In the Middle East, they're very good at maybe three things - killing defenceless people; intimidating and harrassing other defenceless people, and eventually getting splattered over wide areas by high explosives to no useful purpose. 

In the west, our committed terrorists are usually even more ludicrous, most often as thick as shitty jam and literally too stupid to make petrol catch fire.

Facing prison, your western jihadist typically turns from a demon warrior of God into a quivering, tear-streaked lump of boneless goo, hurling himself upon the mercy of the court with a series of weepy and increasingly hilarious excuses.   The sheer pitch-black comedy of this should surely be obvious to all - men who were prepared to blow themselves to smithereens with crude bombs for their cause, now reduced to quivering wrecks by the prospect of a bit of jail time. 

I realise that a long habit is hard to break and God knows, we Brits have spent the last fifteen years bigging up every mountain-dwelling goat botherer and laid-off Iraqi plumber into a bunch of eight-foot tall desert warriors, pissing gallons of raw terror over half of the planet.

Seriously, I understand that this stuff appeals to our leaders' and writers' desire to keep fighting lunatic wars, and of course to their ever-ballooning, vainglorious Churchillian pomposity.  It's plain that the UK authorities believe that inflating a sad bunch of nasty, none-too-bright revanchist throwbacks into a mortal threat to civilisation is useful and necessary. 

I'm just saying that, you know, it isn't.  We should've spent the last decade shouting out the actual truth about a lot of dumb-as-rocks gap-year twats getting rubbed out and killing other people for worse than nothing.  A chance missed, you'd think.

Still, there's always time to start making good.  Altogether now!   

(Fake ISIS propaganda music video; Dancing pyjama-clad men; Cue the disco beats)
 
Boom!  Boom!  Boom!  Boom!  Boom! 

It's fun to be in the Mujahideen!

It's fun to be in the Mujahideen!


*And no, you shouldn't be thinking Oh, how patronising and sexist at this point. You should be laughing and enjoying this huge, hilarious propaganda triumph over people who really, really deserve it.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

"In the Middle East, they're very good at maybe three things - killing defenceless people; intimidating and harrassing other defenceless people, and eventually getting splattered over wide areas by high explosives to no useful purpose."

This sounds much like the US and NATO forces as well.

"a bunch of boastful, whooping evil idiots - very good at murdering unarmed civilians, and good at walking into towns vacated by people who don't want to fight them, but not very good at all at fighting people who actually shoot back...That is, that they're overwhelmingly gullible, credulous, small-minded, deeply prejudiced, wildly irrational, intolerant, no-dick weirdoes. A sad and hateful bunch of twats and geeks, good for little but woofing nonsense about how tough they are on YouTube, and stopping bullets with their sternums."

And your average enlisted man.

organic cheeseboard said...

I think this is all good - both the victory and the analysis. There ARE yer scarier types though - Lee Rigby's killers for instance - but then again all criminal groups have their hardcore nutjobs.

Off topic but Nick Cohen has been tweeting his horror at having to review Russell Brand's book. Which leads me to two conclusions: 1) As if we didn't know already, Cohen is a massive narcissist - he could've said no to reviewing it, but in fact almost certainly requested it with no little enthusiasm, and now wants everyone to feel his pain at having to, er, read a book which he actively wanted to read but which isn't crime fiction, and 2) Cohen and his chums who he's been tweeting about it are desperate for cartoon 'lefties' like Brand to exist as without them Cohen would actually have to engage with properly thought-through ideas. He's already said that his review will use Brand as some sort of stick to beat 'the left' with.

also funny to see Cohen bemoaning how 'terrible' a writer Brand is, in a series of almost unreadbly-written tweets. Also it's possibly the easiest thing in the world to call someone a 'bad writer', and Cohen's example - an obviously tongue-in-cheek reference to Belinda Carlisle - doesn't really do him any favours. (I actually really dislike Brand's style, but he's not a bad writer).

Am not a fan of Brand at all, but it strikes me that Nick and all his chums, maybe everyone in fact, have missed Brand's main demographic - young people, mainly a-level students and uni students, not 'people who have become disenfranchised with politics' but rather 'people who think politics is something their parents like and so will embrace alternatives without really believing in them'. If the choice is between a handsome, witty, occasionally funny narcissist, and a humourless, ageing philistine like Cohen who spends most of his time whining about how great he is, I know which one is going to sell more books.

(to a lesser extent this is why nick and all his mates get so enraged by Owen Jones)

flyingrodent said...

There ARE yer scarier types though - Lee Rigby's killers for instance - but then again all criminal groups have their hardcore nutjobs.

This is entirely true, and I wouldn't like to think I'd given the impression that I don't believe jihadists are really violent & horrific people.

Nonetheless, since I really believe that open mockery will slash recruitment faster than anything else, I did make a conscious choice to focus on the sheer infantile narcissism of yer average jihadist, both in Iraq and the UK. It's just as much a part of their personality as being murderous bastards is.

And forgive me for repeating myself, but - Nick on Russell Brand reminds me of Aaro, Kamm & others being offended by Paul the Psychic Octopus back in World Cup 2008.

Oh woe, was the cry, why do so many people believe that this octopus is actually psychic? It's not psychic, how ridiculous! Pah! Clearly, this is a case of coincidence. Why must people be so irrational and stupid?

And yet, I didn't see a single person over the age of eleven who actually believed that the octupus was psychic. Everyone realised Paul the octopus was a bit of fun, for a laugh and nothing more. All of which made the harrumphing look a bit silly.

See also, Russell Brand. He has a lot of fans, but in political terms, who actually cares?

Well, clearly Nick does. You can't accuse the man of avoiding an easy target, can you.

Ken Eadie, the Prince of Strikers said...

Cohen sits everyday in his study gazing at the framed photos of his intellectual peers KoĊ‚akowsi, Koestler and Camus, wringing his hands that whilst they got the real, meaty hardcore Stalinists to denounce, he is left with Brand, Galloway and the 0.0000015% of student activists who think IS have a point.

flyingrodent said...

Couldn't have put it better myself. The humorous part is that the whole point of shooting fish in a barrel is supposed to be ridiculously easy but Jesus, he doesn't half make it look like hard, hard work most of the time.

flyingrodent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
organic cheeseboard said...

I doubt Nick is keen on Camus but otherwise agreed.

On Brand and the octopus - this is another one of those things where Decent journos conveniently forget basic things about their profession, isn't it? Like when they collectively pretended to be upset that Michael Jackson dominated the news agenda on his death and that time when none of them could apparently understand why Professor Norm never got a gig as a broadsheet columnist. And thus none of them understand why a charismatic comedian/film star with a global profile gets book deals. It's odd, though, considering their chosen intellectuals tend to be similarly populist, just less popular.

john b said...

Re Rigby's killers, I'm not sure even they count as "scary" in the relevant sense (which is approximately "scarier than a mid-level provincial city organised crime gang"). They found a dorky young soldier whose job was to play the drums, followed him on his day off, and stabbed him to death whilst he had no chance to fight back. That's a despicable murder, but it doesn't make them Patrick Magee, never mind Mohammad Sidique Khan, never mind Menachem Begin (etc etc).

organic cheeseboard said...

Yeah, maybe you're right - I guess I meant that they weren't the types to suddenly go all wobbly and woe-is-me when caught, they were true believers.

On the NUS anti-ISIS motion thing, a few things strike me:

1) This seems to have been a democratic vote where a union's members were swayed by a very convincing speech - surely something which is usually applauded by Decents (ahem).

2) the motion in question doesn't seem to actually need opposing in the manner it was opposed, considering it specifically says it is not supportive of intervention - yet clearly the people at the meeting thought otherwise

3) The broader point, that condemnathons usually indicate support for US/UK aggression,is entirely correct (witness the fact that the only people getting upset about this incredibly minor thing are fans of the UK and US bombing the fuck out of every international problem that comes along), even if in this instance it seems the motion was an attempt to avoid this.

In other Decent news, it seems Boko Haram are about to release (or at least willing to discuss the release of) the women who Nick Cohen claimed had all been sold into slavery - and he also claimed that anyone who denied this 'fact' was an Islamism-lover... To quote him directly:

Read parts of the press and you enter a world of euphemism. They have not been enslaved but "abducted" or "kidnapped", as if they will be released unharmed when the parties have negotiated a mutually acceptable ransom.

so, um, WHAT has just happened, eh...? (also note that nowhere does the word 'kidnapped' imply that someone will be 'released unharmed', Nick's just made that up). My pointing this out is not to doubt that they've been treated dreadfully - I'm sure they have - but they haven't been sold into slavery, and to claim so would have been to lie. Funny that Nick and his chums re so keen on nitpicking the rhetoric and factual claims of others (see Duns, Jeremy) but less so when they buy into bullshit themselves.

Anonymous said...

Sure, most of these fighters may well be immature, ill-educated, and impressionable. But "shouting out the actual truth about a lot of dumb-as-rocks gap-year twats getting rubbed out and killing other people for worse than nothing" isn't actually going to stop them, is it?

flyingrodent said...

But "shouting out the actual truth about a lot of dumb-as-rocks gap-year twats getting rubbed out and killing other people for worse than nothing" isn't actually going to stop them, is it?

Probably not, for the most part. On the other hand, it would probably be a less appealing prospect for them to be thought of as a ludicrous twat than to be plastered across the papers as the New And Terrifying Face of Evil, I reckon.