Thursday, July 31, 2014

The RatThe Rat.png

Celtic finally playing like Brazil

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NHS unveils cute “Mr Ebola-Head” character to teach public about haemorrhaging to death from every orifice

Pink assault rifle.jpgMy First Rifle row: Feminists protest “pernicious gender stereotyping”

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Dawkins.jpgHysterically giggling Dawkins takes dump into own cupped hands, applauds

Mother disgusted by son’s Hardcore Mode PS3 video stashHardcore Mode.png
A local woman who stumbled across her 33-year-old son’s hidden stash of Playstation advice videos says she’s “sickened” by the evidence of his horrifically dorky, socially unacceptable internet habits.

Jennifer Robertson, 54, discovered the clips in her son Alan’s internet search history.   When she clicked on a page called “Hardcore Mode - Machete Tips ‘n’ Tactics”, what she found was worse than she could possibly have imagined - a two-hour tutorial on how to play a video game more successfully.

“He’s spent hours watching sick clips with names like “OMG Owned - 15 Tips For Better Stealth Killz”, Jennifer said. “You can’t even see their faces, for God’s sake. It’s just forty-five minutes of grunting while  a big digital combat knife goes in and out, in and out, and a teenager from Arizona shouts racist insults at his television”.

“Oh god, I think I’m going to be sick”, she said… See “Frag-spamming”, p.11
Police sword.jpg“Nothing fishy” as Police Scotland issues samurai swords to beat bobbies

Scotland’s top cop today insisted that there was “nothing even slightly odd or suspicious going on” as it emerged that officers have been carrying samurai swords on regular patrols in the nation’s city centres.

“We are committed to keeping the people of Scotland safe”, Chief Constable Stephen House screamed at reporters as seventeen black-clad police ninjas watched on in a state of high alertness, hands upon the hilts of their razor-edged folded-steel blades, ready to draw.  

“Law-abiding citizens will have nothing to fear, but those who indulge in unacceptable criminal behaviour will…” See “Instantly Dismembered”, p.14

The Rat says… Good on Richard Dawkins for speaking up for the kiddy-fiddlers.  He’s proven that when it comes to making excuses for sexual abuse, atheists can hold their own against the faithful, and against the children of the faithful.

The religious have monopolised the world of criminal sex offences against children for far too long, with their so-called “intelligent molestation” explanation for noncery. The Rat says - go get ‘em, Professor Dawkins.

Did you know?: Despite their anger over “PC gone mad” in the new female Thor reboot, most Marvel fans are unaware that comic books have always been gay, lame and retarded.

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Malaysia Flight 370 probably past the bit with the polar bear & the smoke monster now

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Palestinian TV: “No racist message” in new kids’ cartoon character Anti-Semitey Sam

Gaza War prompts trolling surge

Washington, United States: President Barack Obama has voiced his “grave concern” over an upsurge in abusive online trolling linked to the ongoing Gaza War.

Both Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry have received numerous messages sent to their personal Twitter accounts accusing them of hating Israel and aiding the extremist militia Hamas.

After Mr Kerry suggested that the Israeli Defence Forces could perhaps desist from bombing Gaza for a while a message, sent from an account named “IDF Spokesperson”, accused Mr Kerry of mounting a “strategic terrorist attack” upon Israel. Another, from “Avigdor4PM”, simply said: “U jew haterz make me sick DIE”.

President Barack Obama is considering a number of counter-measures to tackle the problem, including the possibility of increasing American deliveries of expensive, high-tech weaponry and cash to Tel Aviv.


organic cheeseboard said...

This is all brilliant.

Some absolute gold here too - mostly unintentional:

Martin Bright takes a job doing PR for Tony Blair and is shocked and appalled to discover that his job involves, er, doing PR for Tony Blair.

Then writes an article exposing how the 'charity' Blair runs is actually a PR outfit (which presumably makes its charitable status a little dodgy?), and is subsequently 'shocked' that some journalists consider this to be 'news'.

Also turns out that Blair's lot weren't all that happy when Bright tried to publish an article criticising Blair's govt and its approach to Islamism (an article Bright has written about 15 times already, but hey). I'm shocked to discover that the TONY BLAIR FOUNDATION didn't want pieces about how awful Tony Blair is up on its website. Aren't you?

Bright had previously - literally - described the gig as his 'dream job':

And he was writing puff pieces for Blair as recently as April. He also, despite being part of an organisation that is meant to stop unpaid internships, worked for 6 months at a 'charity' which relied on - yup - unpaid internships.

Bright's surname is pretty unfortunate eh?

flyingrodent said...

That's just hilarious: Blair fanboy stunned to discover that Tony is an egomaniac who regards his mutual-enrichment pacts with half the planet's vicious dictatorial regimes as basically God's work. If it tells us anything, it's that some folk are capable of ignoring even the most obvious truths right up until they're forced to swallow them by the bucketload.

organic cheeseboard said...

My favourite bit is where Bright claims:

"The Faith Foundation is an independent charity with Tony Blair as its patron. He is not supposed to have any executive role"

Nowhere in any of its literature does the organisation describe itself as 'The Faith Foundation' - it's 'The Tony Blair Faith Foundation'. He's not just a 'patron', the organisation is named for him. Did Bright just forget that? I wonder what it said on his paychecks.

What's weirdest is that Bright isn't even really a fully-paid-up Blairite - he's not even on the Rentoul level. Yet he still took the job. Amazing.

Anonymous said...

It's difficult situating Martin Bright. Back in 2007 he wrote this in the NS with Chris Ames.

Summarised here.

Since then Chris Ames has gone on to do a blog about his exposure of how The Dossier was written and then a website covering the Chilcot Inquiry (launched 5 years ago last week!).

Martin Bright, if I recall, wrote some interesting things at about that time, and then went off to the Spectator and the Jewish Chronicle, and then the Blair Foundation. Ames and Bright occasionally refer to each other as friends and colleagues but appear to have gone in completely different directions.

At the Spectator, Martin Bright said that he was agnostic about the invasion of Iraq. I sense a lack of awareness about some of the key issues.

Organic cheeseboard said...

Yes - and iirc he was instrumental in the whistleblowing by Katharine Gun of the UK and US spying on key voters at the UN over Iraq. But at the same time - literally - he was part of the Obsever and its pretty shameful backing of the Iraq war, with lots of dubious stories etc as covered by Nick Davies in Flat Earth News. Having looked over some of his stuff and seen myself in its comments, I think I still stand by the idea that he is generally fairly sensible but has a blind spot when it comes to Islam and also Israel/Palestine. From memory he went on a BICOM funded holiday to Israel a while back (I just checked -yes he did, and returned to produce some really offensively simplistic pro-Israeli propaganda in the New Statesman) and that seems to have maybe shaped his views.

That Iraq "stance" is pretty pitiful - how can you still think "it's too early to tell" how the Iraq war went in 2009?

Anonymous said...

That stance ignores the fact that WMD weren't found, and that regime change is a breach of international law and a reckless doctrine. It also ignore everything that happened in Iraq in the previous 6 years. Can it be the same person who co-authored an article minutely analysing Campbell's 2002 spin about Iraq and nukes?