Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Centrist Foreign Policy Manifesto

A short treatise upon the policy and practice of diplomacy, statesmanship and war, as aggregated by the author from the collected wisdom of sensible, centrist British pundits and politicians of the modern era

1. War

a) In times of great military need, we all are resolved and agreed - laws of war are quite loose; with a so-so excuse, UK allies can do as they please. 

b) If an enemy force is concealed - in a home, or a shop or a field - hidden amongst millions of inconvenient civilians, some laws are now hereby repealed, to whit:

(1) Phone non-combatants and say, Why, hello to you sir, and good day; we're quite sorry but, we're going to blow up your hut.  Now, they're required to get out of your way, or

(2) They'll be treated as "human shields", which a mere moment's thought should reveal means i.e. blasted to pieces with a bomb that releases not more than a forty-ton yield.

(3) If you warn them before your assault with a drone strike and then call a halt, this means you can kill them or just fry them and grill them, then announce it was all their own fault.  

c) We find in respect of those who object, they should refer to the terms of clause a). 

2.  Human Rights 

a) States shall agree to maintain basic standards as they are germane; provide water and light and respect human rights;

(1) Although not in the east of Ukraine.

b) On public assembly, it's written - whether violent disorder or sit-in - that all humans are blessed with the right to protest, if their rulers aren't allies of Britain.

c) These rights shall possess such dominion as approved via public opinion; self-defence and free speech are rights that may not be breached (see [1]);

[1] Not applicable to Palestinians.

3.  International disputes

a) Wars cannot be legal transgressions if they're designed to relieve cruel oppression.  States may launch invasions:

(1) If they're largely Caucasian and 

(2) Speak English.  Otherwise, it's aggression.

b) There are several schools of thought on how and why wars may be fought.  As a general rule:

(1) If we do it, it's cool,

(2) But if they do, it's probably not. 

1 comment:

Ken said...

Should be 'e.g.', not 'i.e.'.

Otherwise, brilliant and spot-on.