Saturday, May 31, 2014

Chilcot Inquiry: US-UK Discussions Transcripts 2002-03

Email 2002/84

To: Rt. Hon Anthony Blair MP

From: POTUS@hotmail.com

Subject: Operation Kickin Saddams Fuckin Ass

Watchin clips from gulf war 1 Tony that road to basra is some fucked up shit this guys got his head all blowed off and his buddies are all like layin there all burned up and shit, totally rocks dude


Email 2002/85

To: POTUS@hotmail.com

From: Rt. Hon Anthony Blair MP

Subject: Operation Kickin Saddams Fuckin Ass

LOL

:)  :)

---------------------------------------------------

Transcript, Telephone #2, 10/06/2002 

BLAIR:   So we focus on the weapons issue - that we believe Saddam has stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction.

POTUS:  Hell, I believe that shit.  I can believe anything at takes, say he's like a fuckin wizard or something, shootin fireballs out his asshole and shit.

BLAIR:  Good.  It's important that the world sees that we're genuinely concerned about the threat that Saddam poses to international order, and that this invasion isn't seen to be personal in any way.

POTUS:  No sir.  After all, Saddam tried to kill my dad.

BLAIR:  And we're agreed that our aim is merely to uphold international norms, and that our quarrel is with the regime only.  We intend to create a new Iraq that will live at peace with it's neighbour.

POTUS:  I'm a-rootin for peace like a motherfucker over here, Tony.  When I take a leak, I'm literally pissin out my desire for peace all over the damn place.

(Crunching sounds) 

(Sound of POTUS choking on pretzel) 

(Sound of POTUS falling and bashing head against coffee table) 

----------------------------------------------------------
Transcript, Telephone #11 14/11/2002 

POTUS:  And Colin was all like, shit, shoot off one of these puppies at them Soviet tanks the Iraqis gonna be throwin at us, their skin'll be meltin off in like, two seconds flat.  Hoo-ah!

BLAIR:  That's excellent George, it's imperative -

POTUS:  Can I get a "Hoo-ah" from my little Britisher buddy?

BLAIR:  ...That we'll have superiority in combined arms, and -

POTUS:  Say it Tony, say it.  

BLAIR:  I really think we need to get back to -

POTUS:  SAY IT BITCH.

BLAIR:  Hoo-ah.

POTUS:  Hoo-ah!  Yeah, alright!   Woo-hoo!  Who's the meanest little badass in Parliament?

BLAIR:  (Sighs)  I am, George.

POTUS:  You're goddamn right.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Trancript, Telephone #24, 26/11/2002 

POTUS:  So Saddam is planning his big comeback, plotting how he's going to get even with everyone who ever wronged him.  He's teamed up with Satan, like, Satan himself, and it's like...  There's no-one to oppose him, but there's one thing he hasn't counted upon.

BLAIR:  Kenny.

POTUS:  Yeah that's it, like, Kenny's dead because the doctors accidentally switcherooed his heart for a potato, and everyone's like -

TOGETHER:  Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

POTUS:  (Laughs)

BLAIR:  (Laughs)  You bastards! 

POTUS:  And so Kenny goes up to Heaven but God's all like, no way sinner dude, and so he gets sent to Hell and totally disrupts Saddam's plan.

BLAIR:  And Satan's.

POTUS:  Yeah, and Satan's.  And that's like us, when you think about it.

BLAIR:  Yes.

---------------------------------------------------------

Transcript, Telephone #32, 10/12/2002 

POTUS:  But I must paint you, Tony.  Your skin is radiant like nukular porcelain.  Your eyes are like pissholes in an angel's wing, I must capture your fleeting, treacherous beauty.

BLAIR:  That's very nice of you to say so George, and -

POTUS:  I MUST PAINT YOU.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Email 2002/132

To: Rt. Hon Anthony Blair MP

From: POTUS@hotmail.com

Subject: Operation Kickin Saddams Fuckin Ass

14:43 29 December 2002

mnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbhyu7777777777777777777778232292iuhfasdiufhahfoidfoafoihudddddddddddddddddddddddddd


Transcript, Telephone #38, 29/12/2002 

BARNEY:  Arf!  Arf!  Arf!  

POTUS:  Goddammit Barney, get the hell offa that laptop!  

BARNEY:  Arf!  Arf!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Transcript, Telephone #47, 02/03/2002 

BLAIR:  And of course you know, whatever you decide to do, I'm with you.

POTUS:   I'm just not sure, Tony.  That Jackie Chan sure is a hoot, but Agent Cody Banks has that kid from Malcolm in the Middle, and me and Laura just love that showDamn, this sure is a dilemma...  Cody Banks!  No, shoot, Shanghai Knights!  

BLAIR:  Shanghai Knights it is, then.  I'll bring the popcorn.

POTUS:  Cody Banks!

----------------------------------------------------------------- 


Transcript, Telephone #56, 14/03/2002

BLAIR:  So we're good to go but ideally, it would've been better if we could've got a few more allies on-side.  China, France, Germany, Russia.

POTUS:  Yeah, well, screw those weasels.  We got 265,000 troops in theatre, aircraft carriers, hundreds of fighters, cruise missiles, we got enough ka-boom there to blow up Iraq, like, ten times over.  We don't need those Chinese assholes.  We can do whatever we want and they can suck it if they don't like it...  I mean, I didn't see them rushin to help us out none when them Iraqis crashed them planes into the World Trade Center. 

BLAIR:  Actually, I think the hijackers were mostly Saudis, George.

POTUS:  Saudis, Iraqis, whatever, same difference.  The point is, we can't allow dangerous, unpredictable madmen who possess arsenals of deadly weaponry to hold the world to ransom.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, I suspect that is the reason we're only going to see what Blair said/wrote in these exchanges.

Guano

Lucille said...

Bush jr..was such an embarrassment to me..such a stupid man and Blair too for even contemplating such a war based on lies so their sorry arse oil companies could get the oil.

Pah!!!