Sunday, April 13, 2014

How Privileged Is Your House?

You may have lived to see your House brought crashing down in ruin and death, but before you enact bloody revenge, good Ser, you need to Check Your Privilege.

You may have been castrated by the bastard son of a sworn enemy, but have you ever considered that perhaps you are privileged even to have possessed testicles in the first place?

To find out exactly how privileged you are, check off the statements that apply to you:

- I am an Andal.

- I was taught to fight by men-at-arms using castle-forged steel swords. 

- I have never been enslaved and brainwashed into fighting in a castrato army.

- I have never been forcefully penetrated by a Dothraki horselord.

- I have never been mocked for having a bastard's name. 

- I have never been discriminated against for being a dwarf.

- I became an oathbound Kingsguard because my father is the richest man in Westeros.

- I have never been murdered by being drenched in molten gold.

- Nobody has ever called me a "renowned pillow-biter". 

- I have never been told that I am attractive "for a Braavosi". 

- I have never been mocked for the way I pronounce the word "Snow".

- I have never been raped and split in two with a greatsword by the Mountain, Gregor Clegaine.

- I have two hands.

- I don't know what "nipple-torture" is.

- Gratuitous fanny-shot. 

- I have never had to pretend to be "just related to" my brother.

- No stranger has ever asked to touch my hideous facial burns and asked "if they are real".

- My father has always been a cunt.

- I have never been mauled by a bear because I am a woman.

- I have never had to pretend to be low-born.

- I have never been sniggered at because I keep the Old Gods.

- I feel comfortable in the plate armour I am wearing.

- My family has never bent the knee to another House.

- I have never had to kill my daughter's direwolf to appease the Queen's wrath.

- I acquire new manky furs at least once a month.

- I have never worked as a whore, an armourer or a sell-sword.

- Hodor!

- I cannot be killed by fire, for fire cannot kill a dragon.

- I have never been told that my prostitute-murdering is "just a phase".

- I have never been called a spiteful little creature full of lust, envy and low cunning. 

- Most of my family has not been horrifically massacred, yet.

- I have never been addicted to milk of the poppy.

- I have never lied about submitting to the will of the Lord of Light as a form of self-defence.

- I have never been criticised for burning my enemies alive in my throne room.

- I am the god of tits and wine.

Click below to Check Your Privilege.

You are so privileged that you're basically King Joffrey. You should fall on your sword immediately, wretch.


Phil said...

I got 40 out of 100, which means I'm NOT PRIVILEGED. In your face! I may be white, able-bodied, male and heterosexual, but dammit, I grew up with an intersectional, complicated identity, and life never let me forget it. I’ve had your fair share of struggles, and I’ve worked hard to overcome them. We do not live in an ideal world and I had to learn that the hard way. It is not my responsibility to educate those with more advantages than you, but if I decide I want to, I should go ahead and send them this quiz. They will probably get less than 50 as well and we'll all be confused.

Phil said...

That should have been "I've had my fair share of struggles", of course. Or maybe not - you're so damn privileged, after all, I've probably had your share of struggles too.