Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Fresh Meat

So it's come to this - Chancellor George Osborne frantically frottering the gussets of grannies nationwide in an effort to demonstrate that while he may not despise the Krauts and the Dagoes as much as that nice Nigel Farage does, he can still shout you a nice night out at the bingo.

The responses I'm seeing range from stunned hilarity to swoons over Chancellor George's tactical wizardry, but I like it because it'd have old Henry Mencken in stitches.

Here, today, we've seen all of British democracy reduced to a heavyweight politician hurling bribes at the wealthy and the elderly, in an effort to prevent a minority party of dingbats and leathery sexual deviants shaving a few points off the Tory Party's probable electoral walloping.

Democracy in all it's glory there, kids - necrophilia, employed as a weapon to fend off the half-dead and the mindless.  HLM would have a field day.

And the best part is, it almost certainly won't work.  I don't know about you lot, but I can't see a few cash bungs coralling many potential UKIP voters back into the Tory fold.  After all, most of them seem to feel wholly entitled to whatever they've got, oblivious to whatever gifts are chucked at them and viciously resentful that they don't have much, much more.

What drives and has always driven the section of the electorate that habitually chases after the most determinedly and consistently cruel psychopaths in UK politics is spite - red raw, seething spite, an unceasing churn of bitter disgust at the idea that somebody, somewhere, is living a modest existence without being harshly immiserated.

Surely this shouldn't need spelling out?  They don't want politicians to make them wealthier.  If Osborne stuffed their wallets they wouldn't notice or if they did, they'd assume that it was their absolute right anyway.  They're not asking for more money - they want politicians to give them what they don't have, and that's their enemies' heads on sticks, preferably being paraded up and down the high street.

When certain types of voters keep telling you that they're really bloody angry that we're not battering criminals or ejecting immigrants or kicking the workshy or cracking down on this, that or the next thing, they're not asking for e.g. a boost in their basic pensions.

They want you to get out the billyclubs and start bashing fuck out of everyone that they hate.  They want you to dress the coppers up like space marines and send them to beat some respect into whoever last annoyed them on television.

Chucking a few penny-cheaper pints at feral yokeldom like this is like flicking cocktail sausages at an advancing pack of ravenous zombies.  If you're lucky, you might bonk one on the forehead before it sinks its teeth into your cheek.

All of which is probably worth bearing in mind, while you watch the Tory analysts whoop it up on Newsnight.

Anyway, I always kind of welcome these moments of glaring insanity as demonstrations of the severity of our current situation.  When one of the nation's most powerful politicians so publicly straps on the kneepads and hits the doormats of the NWA from Hot Fuzz desperately trying to gain their favour, we're far past the point where we can pretend that our politics are a sane or edifying spectacle.

All the kratos, wielded to impress some very small, select and unimpressable slivers of the demos. 

I admit that all this does hold out an enticing possibility of an eventual 28 Days Later kind of outcome for conservatism a few years down the line, but remember - there was a sequel.


organic cheeseboard said...

It's the short-term thinking here that's so weird and funny. It's not even going to appeal to people near retirement age since they've all been forced to work several more years to fund this, and won't forget it in a hurry. Lots of these pensioners are going to die soon; those who inherit their position are not going to be anything like as keen on the Tories as the current lot. The young are getting hammered too - haven't the Tories noticed what the end result of Thatcher's pensioner-appeasing policies were in the North? So what we're left with here is a budget designed to stave off electoral loses, as opposed to converting people, which is the one thing they have to do if they want any kind of power next time around.

I still don't get this 'Osborne is a master tactician' guff, it's pretty much the same as the 'Michael Gove is super-courteous' meme. Neither is based on any evidence, but the press still hammers it out ad infinitum. The idea that Osborne is actually considering 'ging into the city to earn 20mil a year' is laughable - who the fuck would pay him to advise them on policy and strategy given that the main impressive thing about each of his major duties as chancellor is that he's not fucked them up like the omnishambles budget.

flyingrodent said...

Yes, this is why I mentioned 28 Days Later - the once-terrifying infected, dying in droves at the end, leaving the streets clear for normal human beings to live in peace again.

And it seems an especially brutal irony that, following a massive market collapse that was largely sparked by the funny-money "innovation" revolution of the 1980s & 90s, including the move to massive public debt to maintain standards and only consolidated since... Much of UK government policy is aimed squarely at blowing and re-blowing precisely the same narrow percentage of well-to-do old farts who benefited most from Thatcherism and it's New Labour imitators. And this, even though the old farts aren't even interested in being blown, and are still furiously convinced that they're hard-done-by even as the Chancellor rushes to kiss their backsides.

Bear in mind, the current generation of older and elderly voters will be one of the last to benefit from final salary pensions etc, which were the result of mid-century industrial settlement, long since all but dismantled by the people these jokers voted for. Thanks in large part older Tory voters, businesses gaining the power to dictate terms to employees has meant that most of us who get old from now on will face vastly reduced circumstances. Quite a brazen bit of ladder-pulling, there.

It's really remarkable that after thirty years of being frantically jerked off and pandered to, this small section of the populace is yet again the focus of a UK Budget, purely because they're now threatening to prevent the Tories retaining power.

Maybe there's a lesson in there, or maybe not.

(No doubt I'm doing considerable violence to the economics here, but I believe all this is correct in the broad strokes).