Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Running Out of Ironic War-Based Titles, Now

Forced by circumstances to invade and occupy Afghanistan; driven beyond their will to invade and occupy Iraq by the urgent threat of imminent destruction; Compelled by humanitarian necessity to destroy large tracts of Libya; Pressured into hammering holy Hell out of Pakistan, Lebanon, Somalia, Yemen...

...And now, it's time to make plans for a massive assault on Iran just in case, you know, they back us into a corner.  If, like, we're forced to do it, with sorrow in our hearts and a tear in our collective eye.

I always imagined that one of the good things about being a loose alliance of ultra-belligerent first world nations, armed to the teeth and led by the mightiest military machine the world has ever seen, is that you can force other people to do what you want them to do.

For a full-spectrum dominant, globe-spanning collossus of destruction, it's amazing how many shitsplat, third-world tiddlers have somehow forced us to reluctant last-resort action. How lucky we are that we just happen to have two of Iran's neighbours under military occupation!

And let's be honest - the west's hand is being forced to attack a nation on the other side of the planet, yet again.  After all, the Iranian president has made vague reference to using nukes he doesn't have, as opposed to our leaders' passive and non-threatening habit of announcing that "all options are on the table".  Paranoid types might conclude that "all options" logically includes "total nuclear annihilation", but they're obviously not appreciating the finer nuances*.

So if we're planning war** with a nation of seventy five million people, can I make a few suggestions?  Camouflage isn't going to make any difference for high-altitude precision bombing, so why not go the whole hog and paint our warplanes white with big red crosses on the underside, just to really drive our point home?   

And some economic tips - I can see a real big upturn in the market for second-hand cars and fertiliser, as well as localised booms in sales of canned food and shotguns.  Plus, now might be a good time to convert to 100%  renewable energy production.  I mean, like overnight.

How nice that our government has volunteered to wholeheartedly join in whatever fresh lunacy the Americans may be concocting.  It's a brave and ballsy move to back up our putative ally's lastest and easily most insane piece of adventurism yet and I, for one, wouldn't even consider calling for the entire government to be arrested and charged with treason, unless they were stupid enough to actually do it.

*This isn't counting Hillary Clinton's campaign promise, live on national television, to use nuclear warheads on Iran, if necessary.   Boy, those Iranians sure are crazy, aren't they?

**And let's note - if we do attack Iran, our thoroughly retarded propaganda will not include our first strike as a proximate cause of the ensuing war.  We'll be casting the people we attack as the aggressor, no matter how ludicrous it sounds, yet again.

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