Thursday, August 18, 2011

What Australia Needs Is Some Kind Of Devastating Apocalypse 
by Lawrence Humungus MP

Greetings, my dogs of war, from Lawrence Humungus - Shadow Secretary for Wastelands and leader of the Republican Party of Rock 'n' Rollah.

I speak to you at a time of great strife for our nation.  We are beset with many grievous economic problems.  Even now, the Australian consumer remains woefully confident; our markets bouyant and our businesses unburned and disgracefully unplundered.  The deserts sprout great cities of pipe and steel, powered by the black fuel.

There has not been enough violence.

As I drove to this very building today in my nitrous-boosted, souped up Ute, I looked in vain for a single burned out car; I did not see so much as a single mohawked bicycle gang member clad in assless chaps.  Not one!

Members of the House, I am gravely disappointed, but I have an honourable compromise.  What Australia needs now is some kind of devastating apocalypse, and there will be an end to the horror of peace and prosperity.

Be still, my Gayboy Berserkers.  We will do it my way - fear is our ally.  Then, you shall have your assless chaps.

I hereby call upon the Prime Minister to abandon her puny plans for energy efficiency.  I move that the House vote to implement our proposals for an immediate global thermonuclear war and the reduction of the nation to a desolate wasteland populated by rapacious homosexual scavenger gangs.

Do it not, you puppy, and you will know the vengeance of Lawrence Humungus!  I promise you, nobody... Nobody gets out of here alive, unless they can jump onto a barbed-wire-wrapped oil tanker at speeds of over seventy miles per hour.

I give you one day to decide.

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