Wednesday, April 13, 2011

To Melanie Philips,
c/o The Spectator,
Deepest, Darkest Wingnuttistan,

Dear Melanie,

Thank you for your letter of 12th April, in which you raise very grave allegations about flawed news reporting on Israel and the history of the region by the BBC.  I assure you that I take such issues very seriously indeed and that if any evidence is produced by non-fucknut sources - e.g. a source that is not a one-eyed, wackadoodle internet circle-jerk like Just Journalism - I will do my utmost to ensure that the matter is thoroughly investigated.

In the meantime, if you find the behaviour of your occasional employers to be so utterly beyond redemption that you are compelled to lobby a government minister about it, I suggest that you immediately resign from The Moral Maze on Radio 4 and refuse any further requests to appear on BBC1's Question Time or on any of their other current affairs programming.

As a further gesture, it would be a bold and courageous statement of your displeasure if you were to publicly refund to the BBC all of your appearance fees for, say, the last calendar year.  This would be a far more eloquent demonstration of your disgust than any amount of letters or raving newspaper columns, and it would clearly affirm the seriousness with which you treat the welter of accusations that you make on a near-weekly basis.

P.S. I'm glad to see you're still sticking it out in Britain, even though you've repeatedly told your readers that the people of our country exist in a perpetual state of raging, pre-genocidal bloodlust.  You're a trooper.

Yours fictitiously,

Rt. Hon Jeremy Hunt MP, member of the same HM Government that you have previously accused of collaborating with an international genocidal conspiracy.

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