Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Champions League Liveblog

20:18
Watching Lyon vs. Bayern Munich in the Champions League semi-final. Olic has just put Munich 2-0 up on aggregate with an away goal - Lyon now need at least three to progress.

Lyon look nervy and are struggling to hit each other with passes. My co-commenting brother reckons that they haven't even started playing yet, and says that their manager should pull off Anthony Reveillere at half-time.

I wouldn't go that far. After that performance, I wouldn't expect anything more affectionate than a gentlemanly handshake and half an orange, myself.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Priorities

Gordon Brown, on the MPs expenses scandal: "No punishment is too great" for MPs found to have defrauded the taxpayer, raising the entertaining prospect of parliamentarians being impaled on spikes or drowned in molten sewage.

David Miliband, on the invasion, occupation and substantial destruction of Iraq: "I said to him, 'Look, you've punished us enough about Iraq, all right?"*

The British Government, ladies and gentlemen - grovellingly apologetic for charging a few flatscreen TVs to the public purse; perpetually petulant with endless butthurt that people won't stop going on and on about the catastrophic, mega-billion pound military bloodbath.

That sound you can hear is a thousand Labour spin doctors banging their heads against walls.

*Too be fair to Miliband, he means "Are you so pissed off about the war that you're willing to risk a Tory election victory?", which is an interesting gambit. Call me mental if you will, but if Labour's vast unpopularity translates into a thumping electoral defeat, I'd consider that to be Labour's fault rather than the electorate's, but hey ho.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Diplomatic Silence Required

Religious work colleague thinks Scientology shouldn't be officially recognised by government because "It's not a 'proper' religion" and "It's all a load of made-up rubbish".

Polite coughs, murmured dissent.

When pressed, offered antiquity of Abrahamic faiths as defence of same, thus inadvertently legitimising worship of Baal, Odin, Mars, Huitzilopchtli, Marduk, Persephone, Cronos, Ishtar, Dagon, Osiris, Moloch, Ashtoreth, Demeter, Set, Venus, Tezcatilpoca, Ra, Sol Invictus and any number of minor deceased deities.

Finished with declaration that Scientology shouldn't gain equivalent status to older faiths because "L. Ron Hubbard was just a pish science fiction writer" and a "conman", leaving open possible implication that St. Paul may have been an investigative journalist.

Abruptly ends conversation, pronounces "Lunchtime".

I'm on record more than once saying that taking the piss out of people's religions to their face unprovoked is uncalled for, but really. I nearly bit my tongue off.