Sunday, August 22, 2010

Basic Framing Fail, Part 8,751

Ay, Dr. David Kelly's death is back in the news for the umpteenth time.

The whole story uncannily shares a notable trait with pointless distractions such as the infamous Iraq-will-kill-everyone-in-45 minutes claim; the Oooh, how legal is the war debacle - a bit or not really?; the dodgy dossiers and so on, namely that it's composed entirely of utter bullshit.

The Kelly case provides critics of our various wars with an unmissable opportunity to take aim at the previous government and its naked dishonesty with a twelve-bore shotgun and then, with unerring accuracy, blow their own feet off in full public view.

Much like the entire case for the invasion of Iraq, Dr. Kelly's death is a huge diversion from the colossal, ongoing crime that is our foreign policy, and still we lefties can't resist chasing it down the rabbit hole.

Here's how it's gone for the last decade with every one of these non-issues - some new shred of evidence comes to light. A load of journos and bloggers grab it with both hands and start shouting about the corruption of the last government, and then some joker suggests that a minor supporting character may be an MI6 agent, or that the politicians knew full well that there were no horrible explodey weapons in Iraq and then...

Boom, headshot! 11-Kill Streak, enemy AC-130 inbound!

Instantly, you get Blairite chucklers of the Aaronovitch genus cackling about tinfoil-hatted conspiramentalists and their crackpot theories of lizardoid assassination squads offing government scientists, and pedantic, punchable Kammtwats burbling about UN resolution fourteen-forty-fucko.

For their part, the various lefties get all huffy, stamping their little feet and digging themselves further into a hole, while a shower of media vermin take the opportunity to once again bury the Iraq disaster under a billion-ton shitpile.

I can't be alone in finding this Punch & Judy pantomime infuriating. The only issue here should be this - We invaded a country on an entirely false pretext of self-defence and sat on our hands bleating about human rights vs. fascism while the conditions we created led inexorably towards possibly the worst incident of inter-communal slaughter since Rwanda.

Dr. Kelly, the aluminium tubes, the model planes filled with anthrax that were going to genocide Dogdick, Alabama - quibbling about all of the individual lies, big and small, that were concocted to support the invasion allows its authors to wriggle out of their culpability and makes the quibblers look like idiots.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the United States, the world's only superpower and possessor of the most terrifying, planet-crushing military colossus in human history, invaded the two-scared teenagers in an obsolete Russian tank nation of Iraq under the feeble excuse of self-defence.

And what are we worried about? The possibility that military intelligence might have quietly and unprovably bumped off a scientist. That's like scoring an own-goal from the opposition's six-yard line.

Scene - on the eve of the war, Tony Blair and Alistair Campbell sit before a gigantic, roaring fire in their Satanic palace of lunacy.

Tony: So Alistair, our deranged and wildly irresponsible plan for ultraviolent and unnecessary warmaking is almost complete. I still worry though - are our left-wing critics about to expose us as liars, bullshitters and epic criminals? What are they up to, do you think?

Alistair: What?

Tony: I said, our deranged -

Alistair: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over this bloody Wagner. Do you mind if I turn it down? (Leans over, turns down hi-fi blaring Ride Of The Valkyries at ear-splitting volume). Now, what were you saying?

Tony: I said, what are the anti-war mob up to? Are they concocting a simple narrative of elective warmaking and near-total indifference to the possibility of mass civilian death that even the layman can understand?

Alistair: Uh, no. They appear to be bleating about some numbnuts MI6 conspiracy to knock off some scientist and parsing the text of UN resolution fourteen-forty-fucko.

Tony: (Steeples fingers, adopts Vincent Price-esque, mad-eyed mentalist look). ...Excellent.

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