U.S. Identifies Vast Quantities of Bullshit in Afghanistan
New York Times, 14th June 2010
The U.S. has discovered huge deposits of bullshit in Afghanistan, far beyond any previously known reserves and possibly enough to fundamentally alter the Afghan economy and perhaps the war itself.
The previously unknown reserves - propagandist bullshit, lying bullshit and large deposits of hilariously transparent bullshit - were discovered via an internal Pentagon memo titled Afghanistan - a Strategy For Victory.
A Pentagon insider told this reporter that the newly-uncovered bullshit reserves could provide Western forces with enough raw material to continue the conflict until "victory".
"Our store of military bullshit has been running low for years," the source claimed. "We've been gibbering about Al-Qaeda like demented parakeets and how we need to fight them over there, to stop the Taliban invading Bumfuck, Illinois and Dogdick, Alabama for almost a decade... Frankly, we've been starting to worry that we had almost exhausted our supply of bullshit entirely".
"Now that we've located fresh stores of bullshit, we intend to start telling people that the Taliban think that Americans look like fags and that Al-Qaeda are trying to feel up British schoolchildren using Facebook".
Sources close to the British Ministry of Defence made no official comment, but indicated that the fresh supply of weapons-grade bullshit could be deployed on BBC News 24, where it would be fashioned into a crude infographic reading "UK Afghanistan troop numbers sufficient for victory"...