Monday, February 22, 2010

My God, It's Full Of Bullshit

Fascinating news about Gordon Brown's Incredible Hulk rages today. Me, I'm looking forward to the YouTube clips of the PM freaking out and throwing desks around his office, roaring and bellowing like a pissed-up Tyrannosaurus.

Of course, I'm kidding - this isn't interesting news at all. As far as bullshit political scandals go, this one ranks a good bit below Clinton getting blown, John Major's balls-deep dalliances with Edwina Currie and Barack Obama's secret Allah-worship. I'd say that it's about on a par with David Cameron saying "Twat" to a journalist, which at the time set the standard for tedious, apolitical horseshit in our national discourse.

It'd be interesting if any of our politicians came up with a plan to get two and a half million citizens back into work, or to get some of those doomed megabillions back off the banks. Hell, I'd settle for one of them just quietly admitting that we don't have any sane strategy for victory in Afghanistan, without even so much as proposing the withdrawal of a single soldier.

I'm generally inclined to allow politicians some fairly major leeway on personality flaws. I was willing to overlook Tony Blair's rampant egomania, for as long as there were jobs, coppers, nurses and teachers in abundance, and we weren't aimlessly blowing too much shit up. I thought Major did a pretty good job on Northern Ireland, even though his premiership consisted of one slapstick fuck-up after another and he had all the charisma of a concrete bollard.

I regard David Cameron as a disingenuous toad with no policies, shit patter and a party full of ideological idiots and angry closet cases. That said, he could have a vagina and spend his evenings alone in the company of a sixteen-inch steel dildo named The Iron Ladyboy and I wouldn't give a damn, if I thought he had a workable plan for saving the economy from another megaton financial catastrophe five years from now.

Gordon Brown could be a twitchy crackhead or a barnyard-bumming bestialist sex monster, and I'd forgive it all for a political system that wasn't an egregious insult to the nation's intelligence.

Honestly, after two years of teetering on the abyss of financial Armageddon, is this really how the General Election is going to go? God help us all if we're ever forced to deal with any real problems.

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