Friday, November 28, 2008

Activities More Productive And Less Infuriating...

...Than Spending Four Weeks Trying To Convince British Telecom That Your Broadband Service Is Broken And Repeatedly Requesting That An Engineer Attend To Repair It, Only To Be Fobbed Off With Bullshit, Excuses And Impertinent Remarks, Over And Over Again

1. Heat up pan of water until it begins to boil over. Gently lower clackersack into pan while whistling theme tune to The A Team.

2. Pick up telephone and dial BT's Customer "Service" line. Once connected to BT bullshit-monkey, shove receiver up own anus. Entertain family pet with amusing anecdotes, witty off-the-cuff repartee.

3. Invent your own written alphabet composed of crude anatomical drawings, beat own face with spanner.

Addendum - BASIC Instructions For Speaking with British Telecom Bullshit-Monkey

10 GOTO PHONE
20 TYPE PHONE NUMBER
30 LIST ERRORS
40 WAIT
50 CONTINUE
60 BOOT OWN TESTICLES
70 GOTO 10


Bastards, the lot of them. When I become Supreme Ruler Of Greater Caledonia (Incorporating The Protectorate Of Lesser London), they'll be first against the wall.

No comments: