Forgot to mention this at the time, but third-choice AC Milan goalkeeper Christian Abbiati has declared that he's proud to be a fascist.
"I am not ashamed to proclaim my political beliefs," (the bench-bound stopper told Sportsweek magazine recently) "I agree with some aspects of fascism like patriotism and the values of the Catholic religion... I like the capacity Fascism had to secure law and order. It guaranteed security for the people."
Thankfully, he's less keen on the race laws, which is nice of him.
Naturally, I just made the common sense assumption that Abbiati is merely expressing his discontent with the left wing, liberal elitists who govern Italy and that he's been driven into the arms of the far right by multicultural policies favouring immigrants over him and his family.
But something's been bugging me about that commonly-accepted concept for ages, and no sooner had I read this article than, like a thunderbolt, it struck me - Christian Abbiati isn't victimised - he's a multi-millionaire living like a rock star in a country led by a right wing, immigrant-baiting wingnut fruitcake!
That realisation left me with only one possible conclusion - if he's not being oppressed and disenfranchised by multi-culti, PC leftists, he must have turned to fascism because he's a pig-ignorant fucking moron.
Now, don't all jump down my throat at once here. I hate those damned liberal elitists just as much as the rest of you do, but this forces us to entertain some unfamiliar ideas. What if - and I'm playing Devil's advocate here, mind - what if it's not just millionaire footballers?
What if support for the far right by ordinary people all over Europe owes less to tyrannical multiculturalism than it does to their cretinous desire to blame all of their personal problems on blacks, PC do-gooders, gays, Poles, criminal-loving lawyers, gypsies and Muslims, to name but a few?
I mean, the implications here are vast, almost beyond my comprehension. It would mean that, rather than being reasonable, decent people driven to desperate measures by forces beyond their control, voters for far right parties would actually be just, well, angry, racist retards.
I know, I know, I can hear you telling me that it's not polite to call people angry, but it's the only explanation that makes sense... And that's not all.
Allow me to extend this hypothesis, if you will. No mainstream party is about to stand on a policy of, say, sending 'em all back where they came from, and so can never compete with the far right for meanness or hatemongering. Hence, they're not going to attract voters whose main priority is sending 'em all back.
This implies that, rather than trying to pander to such voters with crap legislation, British governments should instead invite anyone who threatens to vote for Angry Dickheads For Repatriation to fuck off and vote for them, then, and not come crawling back when when the bull-necked dimwits you vote in discover that running a local authority is a bit more complicated than shoving shit through a Pakistani shopkeeper's letterbox.
I mean, let's be honest - when we're talking about far right politicians, we're talking about people too stupid to drive cars without smashing them into walls and pulverising themselves into mean-spirited goo.
Now, I know what many readers will be saying... Rodent, you've taken this too far, you've gone out on a limb and soared off into La-La Land. Ignorant, angry, moronic, racist, lazy-minded, shite-for-brains retards indeed!
Me, I reckon I'm onto something here. After all, I hear a lot of woofing and yammering about I'll be voting for the British Union of Slack-Jawed, Violent Trolls at the next election, and get the impression that I'm supposed to be horrified and outraged. Quite the opposite, in fact - I say, be my guest, dumbass.
This is a democracy, after all, voter. If you know what you want, then truly you deserve to get it good and hard.