Thursday, September 25, 2008

Shorter Nick Cohen

Things have come to a pretty pass when a police officer cannot shoot whoever he likes, whenever he likes, without having to answer a lot of impertinent questions.

Bonus! - What Nick Says And What He Means

"When the police kill an innocent man in a dictatorship, no one dares protest... As the United Nations noted recently, the Rio de Janeiro police kill three people every day. In London, the killing of one man in 2005 is a national scandal..."

One death is a tragedy; three deaths every day is a statistic that proves you are a despicable hypocrite.

"They found it much easier to concentrate on the faults of the Met which, after all, can be held to account by politicians, judges, coroners and journalists than confront the uncontrollable psychosis of religious fascism."

You can't make a freedom omelette without shooting a few eggs in the head eight times at point-blank range, and anyone who says differently is an Islamofascistical.

Bonus bonus! - Build your own Nick Cohen column!

"Once again, the liberals have gone berserk/shown their moral blindness/thrown their lot in with radical religious fascists/murderers/the far right. No sooner had (x) bombed/shot/tortured (y), than liberals were up in arms, declaring/screeching/screaming that (x) was morally indistinguishable from Osama Bin Laden/Idi Amin/Darth Vader...

In an act so common in our times, liberals had lost their bearings/flipped from left to right and turned their backs on/betrayed/intellectually sodomised their suffering comrades in (z).

When dictators/tyrants/fascists in (z) murder/torture their citizens, liberals are silent... But when (x) murders/tortures (y), they are up in arms. They find it easier to attack/accuse/demonise (x), when (x) is fully accountable/a democratic society/will face cursory court proceedings and be slapped on the wrist.

(Insert lengthy and exceptionally dubious anecdote about comments made by fictional liberals at a dinner party in Islington; ensure special mention is made of effeminate foodstuffs)

Put quite simply, liberals are blind to the threat posed by (y). Common sense/national security demands that (x) bomb/shoot/torture (y) to protect civilisation from the dire threat of Osama Bin Laden/Idi Amin/Darth Vader.

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