Tuesday, August 05, 2008

When Ya Get Drafted

Hey, check it out - good news!

We've totally won in Iraq. It's all over the internet about how this "Surge" worked and victory is inevitable!

Boy, I'm glad everything worked out fine in the end. For a minute there, I thought we'd handed a country over to a gang of sectarian militias and left them to install whatever theocratic/gangster system the local nutters like best.

I must've just hallucinated that part, right? Like that weird memory I have of reading about how the Iraqi army's so riddled with Badr fighters it's just another local militia, and the Iraqi Prime Minister politely asking the Americans to piss off?

Because that's some huge stroke of luck for John McCain, what with Baghdad morphing overnight from Mogadishu into Geneva, and that whole American election thing only a few months away too. He must be thanking his lucky stars! Those millions of teachers, doctors, businessmen and lawyers that were being terrorised and driven into exile would really have damaged his campaign, because nothing says Vote for the other guy quite like a bout of murderous ethnic cleansing on your party's watch.

If I was being my usual cynical self, I'd be suspicious that the Republicans had just paid everyone fighting them enough cash to keep them quiet until after November. Boy, am I ever glad that I'm just this crazy, paranoid fruitcake!

Anyway, since this "Surge" thing seems to have taken care of business, I can't wait to see some good old normality on the streets of Baghdad. It'd be good for troop morale to send a few unarmed marines down to the bazaar and get them to knock back a few beers with the locals.

Hey, if McCain's in town, why not send him too? I think the Germans have shown that all foreigners love a presidential candidate!

In fact, you know what would really be great? If every single damn blogger on the internet who's written a post containing the words Iraq and victory in the last month would hop on a plane and drag themselves, their families and their pets over to the desert for a walk down Fallujah high street, I think that would send a really strong message of solidarity to the Iraqis.

Why, I think the Iraqis would be able to judge exactly how confident you are about this whole peace proposition just by your presence...

...And that, friends, is what I call the politics of hope.

n.b. While I remember, I had a really interesting conversation with some charming optimists on just this subject the other week. All kinds of interesting things cropped up...

Like, did you know that it's condescending and borderline racist to say that having an anonymous squad of militiamen execute Iraq's former genocidal tyrant while shouting the name of a violent theocrat might not be the best message to send to an emerging liberal democracy?

Neither did I, but you learn a new thing every day... (26/7, 2.18pm)

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