Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Bang to Rites

Surprising news today as it emerges that Wee Gordon Broon is considering granting Margaret Thatcher, of all people, a state funeral.

Ask yourselves, really, would the Iron Lady herself want a state funeral? It has a horribly Co-op/Council feel to it, after all, and smacks of a hand-out to the undeserving.

Surely Mrs. T would prefer it if those she helped enrich provided for her funeral through charitable donations? She was maniacally determined about such ideas, caring little whether they had any foundation at all in reality, and the sight of her wrinkled carcass being flung into a skip and publicly torched while her indifferent former supporters snort coke off strippers' tits in the City of London has a startling ring of poetic justice, I think.

Better yet, why not send her final procession through the towns and cities that felt the impact of her policies most keenly? I'm sure the people of Mrs. Rodent's home town of Cowdenbeath would give her an enthusiastic send off, cheering furiously as the motorcade passes the tat shops, off-licenses, shoddy boozers and boarded-up stores that came to dominate the high street in the eighties.

After all, these are the people who truly understood what Mrs. T meant when she talked about self-sufficiency and flexibility. You don't get any more self-sufficient or flexible than you do when you've been made redundant and forced to provide for your family by taking whatever godawful unskilled McJob you can scrape together, especially when everybody else has been laid off at the same time and is in competition with you for those very few shitty positions.

Hell, you could invite the local MP to give a eulogy, too - it's none other than Wee Gordon Broon himself. Perhaps he could appear at her state-funded send-off and explain to some of the people who were ridden hardest and longest on the rhino-horn of Mrs. T's bright ideas why he thinks that she merits such treatment.

He'd better come up with something pretty good, since many of those people had to work their arses off for twenty years just to get back to the position they were in at the start of Mrs. T's reign, if they ever managed it at all, but I'm sure he'll think of something.

He just seems so good at communicating with the electorate, and to have him tell the public directly why Thatcherism appeals to him so vividly would pretty much be the icing on the New Labour cake.

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