Friday, May 16, 2008

Who's Who At The Rangers Riot?

A Cut-Out-And-Keep-Guide to the annual European festivities of Rangers FC for children, including a full list of the various fans of other clubs and local thugs who disguise themselves as Rangers supporters before embarking on blood-curdling rampages.

Pick up your copy now and enjoy hours of fun spotting these common sights at international matches...

- Chelsea headhunters impersonating drunk Glaswegians to blacken the name of Rangers FC

- Rangers supporter castigating "The Media" for making Rangers FC look bad

- A small minority

- Violent Northern Irishmen, who don't count as Rangers fans because they're not Scottish

- Racist Zenit St. Petersburg fan deliberately provoking Rangers fan to stab him

- Vicious Spanish police launching unprovoked baton charges

- Scottish journalists serving their pro-Celtic agenda to blacken the name of Rangers FC by photographing 30 Rangers fans kicking and stamping on a prostrate policeman

- Spanish football team blackening the name of Rangers FC by provoking jovial, friendly crowd into attacking their team bus

- Manchester City Council provoking Rangers fans by offering free television broadcasts and facilities

Extra special bonus points awarded for anyone who spots these unheard of occurances -

- Scottish media figure thanking Manchester taxpayers for providing facilities and clear-up (5 points)

- Rangers FC spokesman accepting any responsibility at all for violence (50 points)

- Rangers FC spokesman offering an apology of any kind, to anyone at all, ever, for anything (100 points)

Featuring exlusive interviews with groups of Rangers fans who were attacked by overly-agressive police...

"I couldn't believe it - me and two hundred of my mates were innocently charging down the street throwing bottles and smashing up cars, when all of a sudden this crazed policeman attacked us, beating us on the feet and fists with his face, ribs and testicles... He'd obviously lost control of the situation. I blame the police." - Anonymous decent Rangers supporter

Also featuring an easy step-by-step guide on how to conduct yourself when following your club's foreign adventures, covering every possible eventuality from "Where to find handy projectiles" to "How to stitch bite wounds"...

1. What to do when watching the match on free big screens

So don't delay, order your copy today, and find out why everything is always somebody else's fault, and why anyone who says differently is crazed with bigotry!

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