Tuesday, April 22, 2008

From The Courts

Musselburgh Hibs S.C. vs. Ayrshire Bhoys S.C.

The case was heard on 27th March 2007 at the Hibernian Court, Easter Road, Edinburgh.

The Plaintiff, Musselburgh Hibs Supporters Club, alleged that the Defendants, Ayrshire Bhoys Supporters Club, had committed the crime of vagrancy, to whit -


1) That on an unspecified date, within unspecified Glasgow slums, Ayrshire Bhoys

a) Did rake in an unspecified bucket for something to eat and;

b) That within said bucket, they did find a dead rat and;

c) That they did think said rat a treat and;

d) That the above occurred within unspecified Glasgow slums.


The Defendants, Ayrshire Bhoys, denied the charge and made a counterclaim, to whit


1) That Musselburgh Hibs were guilty of being

a) Hoors

b) Poofs and

c) Junkies


They further contend


2) That Musselburgh Hibs were guilty of being

a) Hoors

b) Poofs and

c) Junkies

and two further charges to the same effect.


There then followed a side claim by Ayrshire Bhoys against an unidentified Hibernian player, in which the Defendants claimed that


1) He (the unidentified Hibernian player) had been booked for

a) Being ugly;

2) He (the unidentified Hibernian player) had been booked for

a) Being ugly;

And two further charges to the same effect.


The court then adjourned for pies and bovril, and will reconvene fifteen minutes later, at which point the court will hear further claims and counterclaims of wanton soapdodging.

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