Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Achtung! Kill Yourselves Immediately

Another stiff kick to the testes of leftish liberalism in Britain today, this time from the fragrant foot of soon-to-be-published-novelist Ruth Fowler. Clearly, there's a huge market for this kind of Ooh-Aren't-The-Liberals-a-Shower self-flagellation, not to mention similar bouts of shadow-boxing with composite lefty bastards.

To be honest, it makes a pleasant change for Grauniad columns to focus on the actual, real flaws of some of its readership, i.e. their maniacal compulsion to boss the public about and their misguided belief that I personally care deeply about the effect of plastic bags on the environment and the harm my smoking does to their children's health etc. It's a definite improvement on the regular articles denouncing them in fiery tones for being in league with a goosestepping troupe of clockwork Hitlers.

Now, my grasp on economics is as firm as a eel's grip on a buttery muffin, but even I know that there must be a significant part of the readership that gets off on being scolded for their snottiness and closet fascism by wide-eyed sex-kittens and torn-faced ex-Trotskyites. Why that should be, I have no idea.

After all, I've never read a column in the Torygraph telling their readers to shove their frustrated pastoral fantasies up their wrinkly old hoops... Nor have I read any articles in the Express revealing that 90% of their readership secretly yearn to cheer on legions of black-clad stormtroopers as they beat half the planet's population senseless with cudgels.

If anyone can give an example of a business successfully advertising its products with the tagline Buy This, You Snivelling Pack of Pointless Cretins, I'd be grateful.

As for Ruth Fowler's other points about the sheer level of vitriol on display at Comment Is Free, I think my theory is blunter, yet perhaps more accurate...

Comment Is Free attracts morons, twats, bigots, snobs, wankers and tools to its comment threads because it a) deals with contentious issues and it's b) on the fucking internet.

There. Can I have a column now?

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