Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Up Against The Wall, Motherfuckers

Major ructions ensue following the BBC's decision to edit the word faggot out of The Pogues' Fairytale of New York...

"...This would be like cutting the word 'Christmas' out of Wham's 'Last Christmas..."

"baa baa black sheep have you any wool has been banned but I doubt we'll have that printed or played on radio one..."

Etcetera, etcetera.

Hopefully, those outraged by this trivial non-story will be just as broadminded when they find their teenage daughters sexy-dancing to my upcoming Christmas single Ho Ho Ho, Bitchez (Y'All Muthafuckin' Reindeer Betta Step Tha Fuck Off).

Still, this seems to be a recurring problem - group x take whining, mewling offence at toss all, prompting group y to jerk themselves into a furious, priapic rage like an engorged orchestra. Meanwhile, newspaper conglomerate z laughs all the way to the bank, cackling with maniacal glee, twiddling its moustache and stroking its inflated profit as if it were a purring white cat.

So, what to do next time this sorry spectacle rears up? Should we all undertake sensitivity training, to better understand each others' viewpoints? Or should we perhaps take anger management courses, and learn to let such inane fads slide?

Or, and this is my personal preferance, should we just beat them all with spiked baseball bats?

Well, what do you think? Should we...

a) Beat group x with spiked bats?

b) Beat group y with spiked bats?

c) Beat newspaper conglomerate z with spiked bats?


d) Beat everyone involved with spiked bats?

It's over to you...

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