Monday, October 01, 2007

Uproar As "Cock Robin" Trial Collapses
Internet Bloggers Cast Doubt Upon Sparrow's Guilt, Implicate Palestinians
Reuters News, 1st October 2007

The trial of the Sparrow, accused of the cold-blooded murder of Cock Robin, collapsed in bitter acrimony today following a dazzling intervention by a pair of internet bloggers.

The Sparrow had previously broken under intense questioning by the prosecution, sobbing freely while professing his guilt.

"I remind the witness that he is under oath," stated the Lark, prosecuting. "Now, Sparrow, can you tell me who killed Cock Robin?"

"I," sobbed the Sparrow, "With my little bow and arrow - I killed Cock Robin."

A murmur of surprise rippled around the court as a clerk then approached the bench and handed an envelope to Judge Rook, presiding.

In a move that has astonished the world of avian law, Judge Rook announced that he was granting a petition from internet bloggers Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs and "Zombie" of Zombietime to present evidence as "Amicus Curiae", or "friends of the court".

Over-ruling objections from the prosecution, Judge Rook then heard expert testimony from the bloggers, who presented technical and ballistic evidence to disprove the charges against the Sparrow.

Presenting a diagram of the crime scene, Mr. Johnson demonstrated that, at the time of the murder, the Sparrow's line of sight to the victim had been blocked by a large tree.

"Clearly," Mr. Johnson stated, "If the Sparrow could not see Cock Robin, he could hardly have shot him with his little bow and arrow."

"And, since no autopsy was performed upon Cock Robin, there is no evidence incriminating the Sparrow."

"It's true," sobbed the Owl from the gallery, "I dug his grave - with my little pick and shovel, I dug his grave."


The prosecution objected furiously to the intervention, strenuously contesting Mr. Johnson's academic credentials.

"This man is not qualified to give expert testimony," the Lark stated. "He is quite obviously a pony-tailed, Californian surf-bum tool with a sociopathic beef against foreigners!"

"I'll allow it," ruled Judge Rook, who then observed with interest as "Zombie" demonstrated her hypothesis that a third party had been involved.

"As we can see from my diagram, it is perfectly possible that a Palestinian bowman was concealed behind a poorly-drawn pram, on higher ground. The victim was well within the range of the standard Palestinian bow, which is more than powerful enough to kill the average small songbird."

"As an expert in Palestinian ballistic technology, I have studied the arrow in question, and can confirm that it is of Palestinian origin."

Judge Rook then called the Fly to the dock, where he was questioned by Counsel for the Defence.

"Did you see him die?", the Fly was asked, to which he responded "Aye, I saw him die - with my little eye, I saw him die."

"And," asked the Wren, defending, "in your opinion, is it possible that Cock Robin could have been slain by a concealed Palestinian?"

As the Fly nodded his assent, the Wren then addressed the bench. "I put it to you, M'Lud, that the Sparrow is innocent, and that this evidence is a set-up concocted by Palestinian propagandists to discredit him!"

There were gasps as Judge Rook then threw out all charges against the defendant and dismissed the case.

Outside the court, Mr. Johnson and "Zombie" welcomed the verdict.

"This is a victory for the common man over the might of the MSM (Mainstream Media)," announced Mr. Johnson. "We must remain vigilant, for the wily foreigner is always adept at exploiting the prejudices of the journalistic establishment to spread his vile propaganda."

"With dedication and perseverence, we will prove that every allegation of wrongdoing against Sparrowkind is nothing but a convuluted Palestinian conspiracy."


At that moment, the Bull tolled the bell, and all the birds of the air fell a-sighing and a-sobbing, when they heard the bell toll for poor Cock Robin.

No comments: