Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Why MI5 Spied On Orwell For Ten Years

Writer "Lead Suspect" in World-Wide Elephant-Shooting Sprees

The Guardian, 4th September 2007

Documents released yesterday revealed the extent of surveillance operations conducted by the British intelligence services on the writer and suspected serial elephant-killer George Orwell.

The documents detail the intense operations of MI5, who followed a bloody trail of tusks from Burma to London, then to Spain, where Orwell fought in the Spanish Civil War, and finally to the Isle of Jura.

Interviews conducted with Burmese peasants reveal the start of the writer's homicidal grudge against the pacific pachyderms, during an incident involving a rampaging bull elephant.

"I not understand, we happy that Mr. Blair (Orwell) kill elephant," one witness told investigators, who recorded his words.

"I think it big, metaphorical anti-imperialist statement," the Burmese continued, "I say to wife, 'Wife, this what happen when white man turn tyrant - is own freedom that he destroy."

"So, it turn out he just hate fucking elephants," he said. "And he seem so quiet and normal."

The papers then detail a string of horrific murders, as an unknown person dispatches Dumbos and nails Nellies from Barcelona to Berlin, where Orwell worked as a journalist.

Kent policeman Sgt. Ivan Smith notes his verdict on the chilling slayings...

"He... really seems to get a taste for it during his stay on continental Europe... giant floppy-eared corpses start turning up all over the place..."

"African, Asian, it makes no difference to this psycho."

The case file was closed on the author's death in 1950, but elephants continued to die mysteriously in inexplicable circumstances for years afterward.

"Who knows?" speculates Michael Shelden, biographer. "Perhaps he pursued his deranged vendetta from beyond the grave..."

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