Monday, July 16, 2007

Think Your Way To Success!

As I slogged through the rain this morning, cursing a wet and miserable Monday, I was struck by a sudden insight - we live in an era in which every shop-front and bus stop screams buy this fantastic product, you handsome, cocksure man about town, you!

Every day, we're bombarded by blazing advertising campaigns, constantly marketed to and manipulated in a million ways we don't even notice. I stood transfixed as a billboard screamed in mega-decibel technicolour of how the act of spraying myself with their product would cause women to react as if I have an Aston Martin filled with designer shoes and twatty cocktails down my trousers.

Branding is all, I thought, as the cold rain trickled down my neck. Content is for losers - image is everything!

I need to take these lemons and turn them into lemonade!

So I christened my daily stop at the newsagent Operation Phantom Sabre, and immediately felt more pumped and manly.

I then re-named my walk to work Operation Roaring Blizzard, and found that the rain could not dull my steely resolve nor my grim sense of purpose.

Needless to say, Operation Blazing Hammer was a complete success, as I effortlessly made a cup of coffee and, emboldened, drank it.

You could try this yourself and witness the benefits - it certainly works for the American military, which has conducted hundreds of operations with names every bit as ludicrously overblown.

My favourites are Operation Iron Justice and Operation Centaur Rodeo, although it's difficult to distinguish the real ones from the Wiki-vandalism.

So my friends, next time you finally decide that jungle of a lawn needs mowing or feel intimidated by that huge pile of dishes, close your eyes and randomly pick from the panels below - a newer, more confident you is but a pointed finger away.

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