Modern Britain - The Public Speaks
"Somebody Needs To Do Something"
The Times, 21st June 2007
In today's exclusive survey, we can reveal the shocking state of public discontent in modern Britain.
In one of the largest studies of its kind, we gauged the opinions of 4000 people, asking them about key political and social issues - in every category, over 90% of respondents indicated that they were dissatisfied with the Problems.
The results will also shake the corridors of power, as it is revealed that the public believe that only one group is to blame for all of the Problems - Them.
"I don't know why They don't do Something," said Jennifer Oake, 24, whose responses typified the survey as a whole. "I mean, it's not like They haven't had long enough to sort It out."
From crime and immigration to public services, our survey showed that They are being held responsible for all of the Problems, and that public patience is wearing thin with Their failure to find solutions.
"Every morning I open my paper, and It's all terrible," said one man in his thirties. "They have really gone down in my estimation."
Others were more specific, citing their displeasure at Problems with the NHS, prisons and foreign policy.
"I've never seen the country in such a shambles," was the verdict of Matthew Barnes, 67. "When I was a kid we never had any of these Problems, but now They've let It get totally out of hand."
"I'm sick of Their lax attitude - Somebody should do Something about It, because it's clear that They have no intention of doing Anything."
Spokesmen for Them were keen to play down the results of our survey, citing possible methodological errors. "We have made great advances in all areas," They said, "and can assure the public that We will continue to address the Problems as they arise."
It remains to be seen how They will tackle Their most pressing Problem - public perception.