Monday, May 07, 2007

They Say That The People Get The Government They Deserve, But I Don't Remember Kicking That Many Puppies

So Home Secretary John Reid has quit his position, presumably to allow him to focus on his solo surveillance and detention projects.

A man can only dance to the tune of his masters for so long, after all, and I'm sure that Reid will want to break out with his own plans for the arbitrary detention of terror suspects, perhaps in a large cage in his back garden.

He's stated that he's looking forward to spending more time with his family, which should delight his nearest and dearest.

"What time do call this, young lady?" he'll shout, purple-faced and livid. "That's it, you're grounded for ninety days!"

And don't you go running to your mother asking for a judicial review!"

If nothing else, it'll free him up to devote more time to haranguing illegal immigrants. I imagine he could do so quite capably from any street corner while swigging from a brown paper bag. I can even imagine the his press releases...

"Away an' fug off the lotty yez, ya fuckin' shower ay foreigners who come to oor country and steal oor benefits," the former Home Secretary announced today, speaking from a bus stop in Govan.

"Yez are a pack ay fuckin' arseholes, an' I'll make life constrained and uncomfortable fur aw ay yez!"

Even better, he could spend his time personally sending text messages to immigrants when their visas are about to expire. We can only hope that the next Home Secretary is a little less reactionary - perhaps Richard Littlejohn would like to step into Reid's shoes, since he's always full of big ideas.

One thing's for sure though - a man as resourceful as John Reid will find gainful employment elsewhere.

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