I was overjoyed to hear of the death today of Boris Johnson, Member of Parliament for Henley.
Sadly, I soon realised that I'd misheard - I'm sure that you can imagine my disappointment when it became apparent that it was in fact Boris Yeltsin that had died, and not the mop-haired affront Johnson.
I was halfway through my victory dance too, a-whoopin' and a-hollerin' like a Russian oligarch in a pension fund.
Boy, did I feel foolish.
Condolences to Mr. Yeltsin's family, who should be assured that while his passing may be a shock they will find that, following some short-term instability, their lives will improve enormously thanks to his radical mortality reforms.
After a brief period of austerity, the free market will naturally fill the gap left by Mr. Yeltsin with freedom, prosperity and quite possibly magical ponies.
I can assure Mr. Yeltsin's relatives that it is very, very unlikely that their life savings will wind up in the pockets of foreign investors or criminals.