Re-posted in anticipation of Thursday's Scottish Parliamentary elections...
I suppose we should steel ourselves for the inevitable, mind-numbing reiteration of Scotland's many virtues - I hope you'll excuse me, but if there's one subject I'm heartily sick of hearing and reading about, it's Scottish independence.
The invocations of Scotland's vast mineral wealth, its industry, its unique character - it's like being locked in a room with a coked-up real-ale bore, his mind exploding with sudden insights on the brewing process.
Sadly, I'm one of those lowlanders whose heart has never been swelled by the skirl of the pipes.
It seems to me that the Nats are setting their sights too low - nationalism is so last century. There's no grand vision here.
Aggressive imperialistic nationalism is another matter.
I'll support the Nats when they campaign on a platform for the immediate invasion and annexation of Northern England and Ireland.
Come on, it's the last thing they'll expect, and Britain is full of Scots who can act as sleeper agents. At a prearranged time, we'll rise up and sieze control of the state apparatus.
Southern England would likely resist occupation, due to a large number of Tory partisans, so it would be best to topple the government then hastily withdraw, leaving a puppet administration to maintain order.
Independence? It's for wimps. Show me your plans for the Glorious Empire of Greater Caledonia, Mr. Salmond, then we'll chat.