Saturday, April 28, 2007

Plans Of Mice Mostly Cheese-Related

"US researchers have simulated half a virtual mouse brain on a supercomputer."

Quick, somebody set a blog up for it - it'll outstrip me for original thought, if nothing else.

Still, this poses all kinds of questions about consciousness, sentience and morality.

What differences are there between a mouse and a computer that thinks it's a mouse? Could the computer be considered as intelligent as a mouse? And will it be driven insane by its unfulfilled lust for gorgonzola?

I've been thinking about this, and I've come to the conclusion that certain human behaviours could probably be rendered in code.

Yankee evangelists would be easiest, I suspect - a model of their mental process would probably look much like this...

10 SIN
20 GO TO HELL

But what of more complex creatures? Would it be possible to predict the responses of bloggers to stimuli with a simple computer program?

I think so.

Take motorcycle enthusiast Longrider for instance - in considering why today's young 'uns are crassly ignorant, bovine mummy's boys, he points the finger at a surprising suspect.

What causes such honking stupidity in kids these days? Prepare yourselves for a shock, as the culprit is none other than the Welfare State.

"This same generation has grown up with the expectation that bad things shouldn’t happen to them and if they do, then the government had better do something about it pretty sharpish. The state is mother, the state is father, the state does not lie, the state will look after us."

Let us ignore the idea that today's yoof are particularly dense, and focus on the mental process. This shouldn't be hard to render in Basic, if I cast my memory back about twenty years...

310 IF 40+ THEN GO TO 320
320 LET 18-30 = DIM
330 BACKLASH
340 NEXT BACKLASH
350 PAUSE
360 CONTINUE
370 BACKLASH
380 BACKLASH

This should be recognised as fundamentally different from the Laban Tall model of right-wing thought, which can be programmed using only three lines of code...

10 READ PAPER
20 IF SKIN = TAN THEN CLOSE BORDERS
30 GO TO 10

This could be the next wave of the future, brothers and sisters. Us mere mortal internet ranters could soon find ourselves in the BIN of history.

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