Friday, April 20, 2007

Of Fools And Pity

It's often observed that traditional Left-Right politics is dead, and no wonder - when it's possible to describe Tony Blair, Trotsky and Chairman Mao as "Lefties" and still be technically correct, the term has lost its meaning.

For instance, take a look at the chart below -

Does this chart enlighten us upon the state of contemporary politics? Does it give any indication of the nuances in ideology between the great dictators and the saints of modern politics?

Does it buggery - we might as well try to read deep insights into a poorly-Photoshopped image of a Nazi hedgehog.

It seems clear to me that we need to redefine the political spectrum in a clearer form - when we have Tory leader David Cameron sheltering under the same umbrella as General Pinochet, our vocabulary is in serious need of overhaul.

I've given this matter serious thought, analysing the various trends of modern political tendencies - managerialism, monetarism, environmentalism, libertarianism etc., and I've come up with a foolproof method of categorisation.

Firstly, I was forced to turn to one of the foremost thinkers of the modern era, and I've applied the power of His rigorous intellect to the problem.

Having done so, I'm proud to offer my greatest gift to political bloggery - Mr. T's Piechart of Political Pity.

The major difficulty is that all fools will have to be brought before Mr. T for judgement, since T is famously averse to air travel. In extreme cases, such as fools too old and feeble to undertake arduous journeys towards their ultimate pitying, it may be necessary to drug Mr. T's milk and swiftly fly Him to the fool in question.

We'll need to move quickly if we are to cement Mr. T's wonderful legacy, however, as even He is not immortal, and one day shall surely come to dust.

I almost can't bear to think of the fools that will go unpitied, the lessons that will go unlearned (by fools) and the Jibba-Jabba which will go unpunished should we miss this golden opportunity.


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