Friday, April 27, 2007

Friday Debauchery Round-Up

In entertainment news, Indian authorities have issued an arrest warrant for Richard Gere following his comical tryst with Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty.

This follows rowdy protests in which outraged Indians burned effigies of Gere, thus showing up an interesting facet of Indian society, i.e. the Indians have far too much spare time on their hands and obviously need to get jobs.

Not that I'm opposed to the prosecution of Richard Gere, of course - I think they should flog him like a disobedient pony and hang him from a lamp post. The man is a degenerate, and we're all familiar with his depravity.

You should've seen his eyes light up when he heard I called myself "rodent".

Gere's deviancy is rendered vanilla by this week's release of Zoo*, a sympathetic look at men, their animal companions and their "misunderstood barnyard love".

..."Zoo" is, to a large extent, about the rhetorical uses of beauty and metaphor and of certain filmmaking techniques like slow-motion photography. It is, rather more coyly, also about a man who died from a perforated colon after he arranged to have sex with a stallion."

Now, I'm not one to milk comedy milage from a man's death by misadventure, but I reckon cultural norms can be cast aside when discussing a fatality noted by the coroner as "Buggered to death by horse."

Low marks too for the New York Times, who casually underestimate the perversity of their readership...

"Art-house devotees may be a tolerant lot, but it's doubtful they want to look at a stallion's erect penis stretched across the big screen like a sailboat boom..."

Well, that's a little presumptuous. Did they ask anyone?

The usual crowd of countrified yokels are decrying the movie as evidence of coastal immorality, but none of them seem to have noticed that nobody is getting frisky with the livestock in Manhattan.

Still, this movie forms part of an unfortunate trend. As I've noted before, there's been a lot of consternation over theories that humans can catch the HIV virus from mosquitoes.

Unfortunate, but I don't have much sympathy for perverts who spend their time having bestial sex with insects.

As I publish this, I've been unable to ascertain Richard Gere's opinion on this matter. Hopefully he'll respond to the email I sent him this morning...

Dear Mr. Gere,

How's it hanging, my man?

I gather you're a zoophile and a notorious whoopsy, so I was wondering if you could give me a short comment on the subject of the movie "Zoo"?

Just a couple of lines will do, I don't want to hear your sick fantasies in detail.

Many thanks for your help, and keep away from those hamsters, you great poncing deviant.

Yours sincerely,

Flying Rodent.

I'll post his response when I get it.

*NY Times article may require registration - I've posted the full piece in comments.

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